NY Mirror

But first let me push my favorite TV moment of the week your way. I just loved the ever-Freudian Lucianne Goldberg stumbling over words on Sunday Edition and blurting, "It wasn't a cock... It wasn't a cocktail dress!" Whatever it was, Lucy, it enabled someone's cock to get some tail.

And while we're on well-documented pudenda, indie producer Christine Vachon's memoir Shooting To Kill tells an interesting cock tale about the filming of the upcoming glam-rock flick Velvet Goldmine. She writes, diary-style, about Ewan McGregor's most revealing concert scene: "In the second take, Ewan not only moons the audience [as the script called for], but turns around, kicks off his pants, and treats the crowd to his member as well. (I'd heard that in The Pillow Book, Ewan was so well-endowed that his member deserved separate billing. I'm not disappointed--nor is the crowd, which goes wild.)" It's a goldmine all right.

And here's a final treasure trove of hot gossip unzipped: My sources swear that Shannen Doherty and her Charmed costar Alyssa Milano have already brawled in Aaron Spelling's outer office--charmed! And the very funny Jim Breuer (a/k/a Goat Boy) can fight it all he wants, but he won't be returning to Saturday Night Live--"by mutual agreement"--as has been widely reported. But why? Well, I hear that Breuer--who hasn't hidden his problems with the show--was put on probation when he started hosting an MTV program (SNL producer Lorne Michaels OK'd it before he knew Breuer's name would be in the title). Further complications arose when Breuer supposedly shopped a film script he wrote--based on characters he'd developed that Michaels didn't use on SNL--to various studios, but not Paramount, where Michaels has a film deal. Whatever the reason, Michaels isn't going to get his goat anymore.

Michael Musto can be e-mailed at musto@villagevoice.com.

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