NY Mirror

I followed my schnozz into the screening--"It's better than Sphere," promised Liev (when asked)--but not until cracking to Harvey Weinstein that they're saying his GLAAD award will be revoked if 54 doesn't measure up. "It'll be an honorarium after Velvet Goldmine," he said. "Todd Haynesis the next Scorsese!" Next stop, Casinoland?

Oh, if we can stop for a second at Adulteryville--push!--I got a kick out of reading Ray Kerrison's New York Post column, clearly written for an early deadline, which said, "You can bet on one absolute certainty: Clinton did not tell the truth" in his grand jury testimony the night before. This in the same issue which revealed that the guy finally told the truth! Sort of.

Come to think of it, though, Bill's all-new lies are really starting to unnerve. I mean, Hillary having to pretend that she just found out about Mouthica has got to be the best performance since Tonya Harding's shock over Nancy whatsername having been clubbed. And Clinton's invocation of God was an even cheaper stunt--come on, there are people who really believe in that stuff! As for his reported feeling that getting a blowjob doesn't constitute "sexual relations" because the other person isn't being gratified, excuse me, Mr. Thing, but if that were true, why are there trillions more people on chat lines and in personals begging to service people than there are those who want to be serviced--I hear. If Bill's sexual philosophy has any validity, then I'm a fucking virgin.

But let me climax by filling you in on what's been going down at Out. After a very silly start (though not too silly for me to nab an assignment there), I thought James Collard's gig as editor of that national gay magazine began clicking with the quite spiffy-looking current issue. But then he went and told my friend Michelangelo Signorile--who many feel was the backbone of the mag--that he should stick to reported pieces instead of commentary columns, which Collard said are passé. (Signorile chose not to do anything anymore.) LarryKramer's been calling me to say Collard's "a wretched twit who never should have been let out of England." (You know, the home of The Avengers.) Responds Collard, "Larry's such a sweet old thing, isn't he? Like Quentin Crisp, he's a living treasure--and we should cherish him." Me-ow, that sounds like commentary to me.

Michael Musto can be e-mailed at musto@villagevoice.com.

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