Monica's World

Compiled by Lynn Yaeger

I'm an insecure person... and I was insecure about the relationship at times and thought that he would come to forget me easily and if I hadn't heard from him... it was very difficult for me... Usually when I'd see him, it would kind of prompt him to call me. So I made an effort. I would go early and stand in the front so I could see him.

I kept a calendar with a countdown until election day. I was so sure that the weekend after the election you would call me to come visit and you would kiss me passionately and tell me you couldn't wait to have me back. You'd ask me where I wanted to work and say something akin to "Consider it done" and it would be. Instead I didn't hear from you for weeks and subsequently your phone calls became less frequent.

I just don't understand what went wrong, what happened? How could he do this to me? Why did he keep up contact with me for so long and now nothing, now when we could be together?

Jeff Crosby


With love's light wings did
I o'er perch these walls
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do that dares love
Romeo and Juliet 2:2
Happy Valentine's Day.

— published February 14, 1997, The Washington Post

When I was hiding out in your office for a half-hour, I noticed you had the new Sarah McLachlan CD. I have it, too, and it's wonderful. Whenever I listen to song #5 I think of you. That song and Billie Holliday's version of "I'll Be Seeing You" are guaranteed to put me to tears when it comes to you!

A Thank-you Note

All of my life, everyone has always said that I am a difficult person for whom to shop, and yet, you managed to choose two absolutely perfect presents! A little phrase (with only eight letters) like "thank you" simply cannot begin to express what I feel for what you have given me. Art & poetry are gifts to my soul!

I just love the hat pin. It is vibrant, unique, and a beautiful piece of art. My only hope is that I have a hat fit to adorn it (ahhh, I see another excuse to go shopping)! I know that I am bound to receive compliments on it.

I have only read excerpts from Leaves of Grass before—never in its entirety or in such a beautifully bound edition. Like Shakespeare, Whitman's writings are so timeless. I find solace in works from the past that remain profound and somehow always poignant. Whitman is so rich that one must read him like one tastes a fine wine or good cigar, take it in, roll it in your mouth, and savor it!

I hope you know how very grateful I am for these gifts, especially your gift of friendship. I will treasure them all... always.

The Beginning of the End

I don't care what you say, but if you were 100 percent fulfilled in your marriage I never would have seen that raw, intense sexuality that I saw a few times—watching your mouth on my breast or looking in your eyes while you explored the depth of my sex. Instead, it would have been a routine encounter void of anything but a sexual release. I do not want you to breach your moral standard...

Please do not do this to me. I feel disposable, used, and insignificant. I understand your hands are tied, but I want to talk to you and look at some options.

An Illusory Future

He remarked... that he wished he had more time for me. And so I said, Well, maybe you will have more time in three years. And I was... thinking just when he wasn't President, he was going to have more time on his hands. And he said, Well, I don't know, I might be alone in three years. And then I said something about... us sort of being together. I think I kind of said, Oh, I think we'd be a good team, or something like that. And he... jokingly said: "Well, what are we going to do when I'm 75 and I have to pee 25 times a day?" And... I told him that we'd deal with that. I left that day sort of emotionally stunned, for I just knew he was in love with me.

A Birthday Party

I had set up in his back office, I had brought an apple square and put a candle and had put his birthday presents out. And after he came back in and I sang happy birthday and he got his presents, I asked him... if we could share a birthday kiss in honor of our birthdays, because mine had been just a few weeks before. So, he said that that was okay and we could kind of bend the rules that day. And so... we kissed. He said, "I'm trying not to do this and I'm trying to be good." ...He got visibly upset. And so... I hugged him and I told him I was sorry and not to be upset.

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