NY Mirror

Alas, with my unpopular new drag name--Rosemary Potatoes--I've been propped up in front of the TV a lot lately. While waiting for that highly original new show, Jesse Felicity Maggie Winters Costello (& Grace), I managed to catch Roseanne's premiere chatfest, which opened fabulously with a draggy looking Roseanne entering on a very sturdy crane and throwing rose petals and Polaroids of herself at the audience. The show remained bodacious as Rosie and Whoopi Goldberg brought new life to the Oral Office with a vigorously trashy debate. Alas, they made Whoopi stay for one segment too long, and when she and Rosie interviewed three self-pitying teen mothers about their plight, the show stopped dead, the tone becoming quietly caring and downright dull. The problem is that Rosie wants to be all things to all people--satirist, self-help guru, celebrity pal, carnival barker, and current-events analyst. Like Dusk, she needs an identity--though I love that she also looks out from the proverbial bathroom.

But if I can peek into a loo, please: Everyone's crucified Clinton for having lied about smoking a joint, dodging the draft, and now getting some blowjobs (not to mention "oral/anal"), but these are the same monsters that made him have to lie in the first place. If he'd told the truth about any of these fairly reasonable actions, the morality brigade would have burned him at the steak house. He lied to protect his ass from their hypocrisy, and now they're furious that he did so!

On a lighter note, but not that much lighter, Monica Lewinsky was spotted by my spies a few weeks ago jumping rope at an Equinox gym--but in a private area, of course. It seems all her talents are athletic and performed behind closed doors. And by the way, when Clinton himself jumped into town last week, there was so much security on the streets near Barneys that poor Diana Ross was momentarily detained while trying to leave the store. I'm sure she was all right about it, though; Di's biggest nightmare would be not being able to get into Barneys.

Michael Musto can be e-mailed at musto@villagevoice.com.

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