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Are you lost during Passover? Does Jewish humor have to be explained to you? Perhaps you just want more insight into the Hebrew Bible. If this is the case, go to the Jewish Theological Seminary of America (678-8000).

Did you spend more time plotting how to maim the neighbor's dog then you did studying in school? Thanks to online courses at Marymount Manhattan College (517-0400) you can work when you want, take classes in the nude, save on subway fare, and soak in precious knowledge on your own terms.

The Center for Children + Families Basie Beacon Program (718-949-0110) is an after-school community center for kids of all ages and their families. It offers a range of programs from GED preparation to leadership training to family, group, and individual counseling. It is open to residents of Jamaica, Queens, though volunteers from all boroughs are welcome, so put this supplement down right now and lend a hand!

If you have the urge to construct, deconstruct, organize, and discuss, then the Pratt Institute (636-3669) has the programs for you. Prices range from $637 per credit for graduate school, to $560 per credit for undergraduate classes.

Would it take some kind of divine assistance to guide you through the labyrinth of courses required to make big bucks? Accessibility to preprofessional programs is what makes St. Francis College (718-489-5200) unique. Courses cost $260 per credit for all enrolled students and $780 per credit for nonmatriculated students. Praise the Lord! —Aaron Tillman

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If you're wondering how a tech-geek like Bill Gates is the richest s.o.b. in America, some blame can be leveled on Information Mapping (800-463-6627), where your tech monopoly is a phone call away. Learn how to simplify complex procedures and computer apps, and present and develop content for hardware or software manuals. This three-day Silicon Alley course begins on January 26. —Jeffrey Gambles

If you need technical or certification training, CALC CANTERBURY (800-638-CALC) could do the trick for you. Get together with your office mates and friends and take advantage of its corporate and volume discounts.

Make a difference at The Mac Learning Center (594-2280). You can receive computer graphics training, or utilize your design and layout talents by learning Quark, Photoshop, Illustrator—all the tools you'll need for desktop publishing. New classes begin every week, so don't get mad, get skilled!

Keeping your eye on the prize is essential to persevere in any endeavor. If that prize is a spacious corner cubical, then get the ball rolling—make a call on the company dime to Universal Business and Media School (360-1210). They offer "short" computer classes for professionals who lack the time to take a full-length course or only need to learn a certain application. Course prices range from $100 for short courses to longer accredited programs with varying prices. Scholarships are available for qualified applicants. —Aaron Tillman

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Explore the many avenues of expression in the culinary arts of Spain through the New School's "Food and Wine of Spain: A Tapas Party." The three-hour workshop includes lessons on how to make tortilla, champinones, and gambos al ajillo. The workshop will be held on January 21 and costs $72, plus a $20 materials fee. For more information, call 255-4141. They also offer a four-week online course on "How To Open a Restaurant" (229-5880). Taught by Lisa Chodosh, co-owner of a New York City­based food service consulting firm, the class outlines the necessary steps start-ups must take and discusses licensing, site selection, and restaurant proposals. The noncredit course begins on February 8 and costs $210, plus $16 in fees for additional materials.

Create foods that are as delicious as they are healthy through the Natural Gourmet Institute's day-long course on "Vegetarian Cooking Techniques," in which participants will learn the art of steaming and how to make nondairy cream soups and many other high-energy edibles. Classes will be held on January 31 and February 7. The cost is $240. For more information, call 645-5170.

Learn how to avoid contamination by harmful microorganisms through NYU's month-long course on "Food Sanitation and Safety." Classes begin on February 11. The cost of the course is $110; there is also a $56 fee for certification. For more information, call 998-5588.

Want to know why your bread didn't rise? Master the specialized vocabulary of the kitchen as well as the techniques of classical cuisine at Peter Kump's School of Culinary Arts (410-4601), where the study of French fare is a springboard for general culinary education. —Jazelle Andujar

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Forget the sun, the beach, and the 10-foot waves, because what you'd really want to take away from a Hawaiian vacation is hula dancing! And you can find it right here in the Big Apple at Radio Hula (226-4467). The 12-week session is taught by visiting hula instructors direct from Hawaii. Classes are held Tuesdays at 7:45 for beginners and 8:45 for advanced. The semester starts January 26 and costs $140 plus a one-time registration fee.

Indoda Entsha Cultural Society (718-638-7622) uses authentic West African dance (and drum) classes as a way to integrate the physical being and the ancestral spirit. Martial arts training will help you kick some ass—um, stress, that is. Lessons for youngsters run Monday to Friday in an after-school program with prices ranging from $120 to $160. Adults can attend Monday and Wednesday at 7:30, and Fridays at 7, for $8 per class.

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