NY Mirror

Faye said she felt Chinatown 'gave people something to put their dreams on.' (It's better than a wire hanger.)

Our Canadian brothers came out for a panel discussion at the 92nd Street Y called "Why Are Canadians So Funny?" which efficiently covered every aspect of Canuck humor except for Celine Dion. The evening started with Canadian stand-up comic Sean Cullen tellingus, "As Sean Connery would say, 'Enjoy yourselves or I'll kill you.' " Connery never even said that much to me. The panel— including Martin Short and Eugene Levy— then ambled out and agreed that Canada is a pretty sad but likable place with a proliferation of doughnut shops where they even sell the stuff you cut out to make the holes! Things got less funny afterward, when reporters craftily shifted the subject to panel moderator Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's disease. But Fox was astoundingly gracious and articulate about it, and when someone's cell phone rang, he even cracked, "That's my doctor!"

My love doctor has been recommending return visits to East Village pickup dives like Wonder Bar, Dick's Bar, the Bar, the Cock, and the Boiler Room, which are all hopping with those who are simply wild about penis. But farther west, I'm not so sure. I recently ventured into Florent for an early dinner and found that what was largely a drag queen and clubbie hangout has been taken over by the family crowd— you know, the "Honey, pass the mustard and tell your brother to shut up" bunch. Heeeelp!

I don't know who will swim to Float, but it's definitely a new, sleek, medium-sized hangout in the theater district, with lots of lit-up panels and soft blue rectangular shapes. It's all very Fahrenheit 451 meets My Geisha via James Bond (you know, Pierce Brosnan), and could be fiercely festive if it doesn't attract the wrong crowd— you know, the kind that can't pay for their gonorrhea medicine.

Speaking of powder blue spaces, if Toni Braxton was any more lightened on the Beauty and the Beast display outside the Palace Theatre, she'd look like Michael Jackson. But another poster— one at the TLA Video store— has been tampered with in a sort of amusing way. It's a promo placard for Halloween: H20, and they've charmingly inscribed on it, "Michael Myers has broken out of the insane asylum and is going to kill every hermaphrodite on the planet. First on his list— Jamie Lee Curtis!" Good— her publicist hates me too.

Michael Musto can be e-mailed at musto@villagevoice.com.

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