By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
The three-hour Grammy Awards marathon imprisoned some dark thoughts in my mind: Will Smith is a Central Casting version of a rapper; Madonna's geisha number was on the level of "Springtime for Hitler"; the talent should be made to perform their nominated songs, not the crap they're now promoting; and host Rosie O'Donnell may have deserved some of the strained jokes she had to tell on her show, she's become the reactionary figure of your worst nightmares. She's mad at Calvin Klein, Marilyn Manson, and anything else she probably would have liked as a kid.
Staying within the year of the woman, my sources on the set of Grammy winner Shania Twain's latest video say that Twain's lowly extras were instructed through a rep that they were not to speak to Miss Thing unless spoken to. Why would anyone want to talk to that creature anyway?
And while we're being inquisitive, can we expect a serene expression from Babyface at this year's Oscars? Probably not, because sources claim the guy contributed a musical bridge for "When You Believe," that supposedly inspirational Prince of Egypt song whose pop version he produced, but only Stephen Schwartz is listed as a nominee. Well, apparently DreamWorks submitted the early, pre-Babyface version for "Best Original Song" because Schwartz wanted it that way. Weirdly enough, though, Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston are slated to perform the tune on the awards telecast and they do the version with the Babyface bridge!
Finally, start polishing a trophy for local drag star Michael Cavadias (a/k/a Lily of the Valley). Cavadias has just shot a choice role in the comedy Wonder Boys, starring Michael Douglas and Robert Downey Jr. Apparently, Downey meets Cavadias on a plane and thinks he's a woman but I don't think things turn out as dramatically as in The Crying Game. There's no vomiting or even gagging. Do I hear some raves?