NY Mirror

What's the most bizarre new porno video? (Answer: Bend Over, Boyfriend, an instructional tape about female-to-male anal penetration, for all those straight guys anxious to be plowed by ladies bearing strap-on dildos. Come on, try it, Kelly and John!) Which of Monica Lewinsky's remarks on 20/20 gets the "close but no cigar" award for not quite capturing why Bill was hot for her? ("Sometimes you just need a piece of . . . normalcy.")

What's with these Broadway "revisals"? (I don't know, but the folks bringing you the new, ill-conceived Annie Get Your Gun were clearly so uncomfortable with the source material that they rewrote it, added some winks, nudges, and a Lord of the Dance number, and presented it all as a play within a play. The remaining joy is in the score and in the fact that when Bernadette Peters stops mugging for a second, she can remind us of her stature as a treasured musical presence. But just how pandering is this production? Well, a typical moment comes after the wonderful "An Old-Fashioned Wedding," when Peters turns to the audience and says, "You want [to hear] it again?"— though maybe she's doing so as the actress within the actress.) And what's with new musicals? (Beats me, but the affectionate if misguided Band in Berlin— about a sort of Weimar Manhattan Transfer— manages to suck most the drama out of the story in favor of providing a concert­slide show that should be relegated to high school auditoriums, but not that many of them.)

What did Joan Rivers tell me last week about Geena Davis's rival pre- Oscar show? (One last complimentary answer: "Geena said, 'I'm not gonna ask any shallow fashion questions.' Well, she has no right to! She came looking like a drunken dance-hall girl one year! I guess I'm gonna ask the shallow questions and she's going to ask about Bosnia.") How deep is your love? (I really need to learn.)