NY Mirror

4. Ivy Supersonic: Hat designer who leaves Tolstoy-length messages promoting her chapeau fashion shows. Has her models wear decals and tattoos saying "Ivy Supersonic Is God." Crashed a junket to Iceland!

5. Norah Lawlor: Publicist who, as a fellow Bahamas junketeer, urged me to nab the unlimited free meal available for press at one of the hotel restaurants. I went, I stuffed, and I got stuck with a whopping bill that still has me waking up screaming.

6. Dave Hall: Indefatigable gay singer whose people call to let you know they're gonna send a fax about their release about their press conference about their e-mail. I don't know what I'mup to as much as I'm clued into thisguy's doings.

7. BETTY: Broads Eager To Torture You?

8. Victoria Leacock: Compiler of a charity book of celebrities' flower drawings. Everyone she befriends seems to drop dead— and then she's endlessly quoted in interviews about how she misses them. Stay away!

9. Penelope Tuesdae: A ubiquitous self-promoting performer­party-thrower whom I vigorously avoided until realizing she's nabbed the Spice Girls' producer and might make it big.

10. Ann Northrop: Gay Cable lesbian who probably yells at her morning coffee for not doing enough for homeless PWAs and screams at her toast for having too much fun on Gay Pride Day. This is the kind of nightmare we need— maybe.

Let's throw a glass— I mean raise a glass— to all of these self-invented creatures of iron will and brash bravado. Thanks to them, New York at night (-mare) is many things, but it's never boring. Now pardon me— I'm off to call my friend Sandy.

You can e-mail Michael Musto at musto@villagevoice.com.