By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
Cranky, old-fart dummy Walter has spent his entire life with Jeff Dunham's hand up his ass. The Texas-bred ventriloquist will bring Walter and a host of other characters to Governor's in Levittown on Saturday and Sunday. Dunham and Walter recently had a little chat with Bill Jensen, who moves his lips when he reads:
What was it like to perform for the O.J. Simpson jury?
I thought that would be an interesting feather to have in my cap. My agent contacted Judge Ito. I had made a Judge Ito dummy. I thought how hilarious the jury would think that was. But I had to go through my act joke by joke for the deputies. When I got to the part about the Judge Ito doll, they went "Ha, ha, ha. No."
So I guess an O.J. doll was out of the question?
Yeah, exactly. They were all very nice people but it was also very frightening that these were the group of people that were going to be deciding the fate of O.J. I tell you this much, there weren't any Rhodes scholars in the room.
Then, conveniently, you and Walter were named spokesmen for Hertz, just like the defendant. I smell conspiracy.
I've got a question for Walter.
Walter Ah, who the hell is this? We have not been introduced.
Bill Jensen from the Long Island Voice.
Walter Oh, yeah. Well, like I care. I guess my career is peaking now. I get to be in the Long Island Voice. Is that a good thing?
Walter I get to die happy now.