The ins and outs of college

I had a friend who had sex with a girl on the president’s lawn. He also did it with the same girl in the stairwell of the University Center. Which reminds me: We were teching a show in the theater once and decided to take a break. One of the teachers gets up and walks to his office. But to get to where his office was, he had to go through a dimly lit hall. He finds this couple fucking in this little hallway. The kicker was we’d found a random condom in the middle of the theatre, used, expired. No one would fess up. Of course we weren’t going to touch it. But when we found that couple, that explained it. We called the area the funk room. It smelled like funk for days.

In ’96, our fraternity was having a formal, and we had to find a party gift. You know that stupid coupon book that comes in the mail? I see this woman with this neck massager. I told the guys, "How ’bout we get neck massagers for the formal?" So I passed the picture around at a fraternity meeting. The idea was sold. A week later Jim Bob was in the city, buying 30 dildos. We wrote on them, "Get off at Alpha Phi Delta." We stuck one in our showcase in the University Center the next day. It was up there until we got kicked off campus. Back then, we actually had a goal: to see if we could top our ideas from the day before.

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