NY Mirror

Want your nose hairs to stand up as if in 3-D? On a Metro Guide show about modeling, Wilhelmina agent Fran Palumbo said the falsest assumption about male models is "that they're gay—and they're not! ...They're normal guys that you went to high school with." Gee, thanks for that sweeping cover-up, not to mention the "normal" vs. gay contrast and the revisionist view of the high school experience. Want to be even more titillated? I hear the director of Fight Club told people on the set, "This is gonna be the biggest homo movie of all time!" Bigger than Mommie Dearest? I doubt it, honey.

Billed as "Broadway's most gigantic comedy," Epic Proportions is actually smallish, with a flimsy plot ultimately sinking the very good shtick. Kristin Chenoweth is adorable, as usual, and she also charms in ABC's upcoming version of Annie, which I — the ultimate Annie queen — leapt like a lizard to see a rough cut of. It turns out they've snipped my favorite moment — Annie> getting pinched on demand (self - inflicted child abuse?)—but otherwise, this more naturalistic version is utterly lovable, with a surprisingly strong-voiced Kathy Bates and a title moppet so cute she'll undoubtedly grace the cover of Maxim very soon.

And that lands us at the party for Wasteland — that TV compendium of twentysomething neuroses—where no one would pinch me, though my attempts to nasal out opinions on that Sabrina girl's witch-without-a-stitch poses proved so fruitful I pinched myself. "She has the right to do any kind of photo she wants to do," fumed big-hearted Rebecca Gayheart, a Wasteland star. "Fuck 'em. I shouldn't say that—excuse me. But I just did the cover of Details with my hair covering my breast, and if someone told me I shouldn't do that because of a TV role I play, I'd say too bad." I like this woman—and even gave her chutzpah points for her take on Action's mild ratings. "It has so many inside jokes," she said, "that maybe people get it in New York and L.A., but not in Middle America. Then again, who really cares?" Good answer! Next time I'll even ask her about Wasteland.

musto@villagevoice.com

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