George Michael: It's tempting to go for a daddy/ little girl scene set to "Father Figure," but that seems too obvious. I like a gay man with a fetish for public sex, and I love a man in uniform, so George and I have lots in common. Yes, George, it would have to be in a public restroom, but the cop who caught you this time would be me and I'd be in uniform and the forced blowjob scene in prison that followed your arrest would be out of this world.
Joan Jett: When I heard her remake of "CherryBomb" with L7, I fell in lust with the spiky rocker chick all over again. Lately, she's been spotted with short bleached-blond hair and wearing leather all over town. Rumor has it her nipples are pierced. You just know she's as tough in the sack as she looks-or is she?
And, finally, Sigourney Weaver: She's the one who started the whole list. I think I'd make her queen for a day, with the royal treatment by loyal subjects and all kinds of body worship. And if that didn't fly, there's always some kind of Alien parody. Slimy, otherworldly sex with Sigourney... and I want her head to be shaved, of course. Maybe Fox Mulder could join in. Screw continuity-it's my fantasy.
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