No Scrubs

Don't Want Your Money, Don't Want None of Your Time

At a press conference following his arrest, Sean Puffy Combs proclaimed his innocence, saying, "I do not own a gun. I do not carry a gun. The charges and allegations against me are 100 percent false. I am confident in the next couple of days I'll be vindicated and everything will be all right." Combs reprised his innocence in a nonstop loop throughout the MTV millennium celebrations, although, conspicuously, none of the VJs were heard leaping to his defense. And he'll need one, now that the first of the Club New York victims has filed a multimillion-dollar civil suit against him and Barrow, the kind of action that will certainly require you to put in a lot of unpaid courthouse face time.

Gorgeous as you were at last week's grand jury hearing, Miss Lopez—composed, demurely coiffed, a Latina Grace Kelly behind your tinted Chanels, fully inhabiting the persona that inspired the Spanish language edition of People to give you its highest poll rating for familiarity, likeability, and trustworthiness—there were those who said, "Scratch a diva and find a pigeon." It takes a particular kind of guy to play a woman—even a media-wise celebrity creation such as yourself—with such sleazeball aplomb. TLC coined a word for the type who can: scrub.

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