The ABCs of Porn

Las Vegas—The ever-more-glamorous porn industry took over a corner of the convention hall at the annual Consumer Electronics Show (CES) last week at the Sands Expo Center. The convention was also the occasion for the Adult Video News awards, in which Oscar-like gold statues were given to the winners in 78 categories. Distinctive on-screen cocksucking and double penetration garnered trophies, and so did—no snickering—acting. But I'll begin my report with a different A.

Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation held its fundraiser on Thursday (stripping for a good cause). This nonprofit provides low-cost medical treatments for sex workers.

B is for the CES's big crowds, this year more than 120,000 people, and it seemed as if they all visited the trade show's adult corner.

Chloe, last year's Performer of the Year, was again the big winner: Best All-Girl Sex Scene in a Video, Best Solo Sex Scene, Safe Sex Award, Best Anal Sex Scene in a Film, Best Actress. And she doesn't have breast implants. Hmmm.

Do the math: 10,160 new porn movies were released in 1999, according to AVN.

European videos are increasingly popular, because of looser standards for obscenity, safe sex, and some might say common decency. European videos are the main forum for fisting, peeing, and enema aficionados.

Fake boobs, fake lips, fake cheeks, fake chins, and fake orgasms—why, why, why?

G's for girls. Many men love women who look like girls. Magazines like Barely Legal celebrate the nymphet look, as do videos like 18 and Nasty, Young & Anal, and Cherry Poppers. Are they endorsing pedophilia? Live Young Girls editor Mario Grillo says not: "Our models are all over 18, as they are in all magazines of this type. A true pedophile would rather peruse a child's clothing catalog than a magazine like mine."

Houston the porn star says she set the record for the biggest gang bang in The Houston 620, honored as the Best-Selling Tape of 1999. While the sale figures are probably accurate, I think there was some creative accounting in the performance—definitely not 620 men and certainly not 620 orgasms.

Implants keep getting bigger. Some of the women to whom they are attached look like they might topple over. Do men really like these grotesque knockers?

Just a J-O-B, that's how most performers view their work. Actor-comedian Bobby Slayton reminded a room full of porn stars that crossing over into the mainstream might not be all that sweet: "I've got to get on a plane at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning, fly to a location, and do a scene with Ben Affleck. You get to sleep till noon, drive to the Valley, and fuck Jenna Jameson. Quit complaining!"

K is for Klass, Alisha Klass, last year's Best New Starlet winner. While presenting an award she went off on a tangent and insulted one of the most powerful men in the industry by claiming he had a drinking problem. Oops.

Lubricant asserted its necessity in sex work. Ten tubes of sponsor ID Lubricant were on every table.

Money: The adult industry is grossing $9 billion to $10 billion and growing, according to AVN.

Nominees that didn't win, but have amusing titles: XXX Trek: The Final Orgasm, nominated for Best Art Direction; Double Anal Club 4, Most Outrageous Sex Scene; Diabolical French Breast Torment, Best Specialty Tape/Bondage and D/S (dominance/submission); Beach Bunnies With Big Browneyes 5, Best Gonzo Video; and Down the Hatch, Best Oral-Themed Video.

O's for the Oscars, the model for the AVN awards, which came complete with a line of fans welcoming your arrival, paparazzi, gowns and tuxes, and acceptance speeches.

Protection is becoming de rigueur. Many companies and actors have gone "all condom."

Q is for the quickie I had with my girlfriend against the window of our hotel suite overlooking the strip in my silver ball gown after I won two awards (Best Anal-Themed Tape and Best Group Sex Scene in a Video).

Rough Sex 1 won for Best Specialty Tape/Bond- age and D/S. Screw's Al Goldstein condemned its "face slapping, choking, and spitting." Has Mr. Goldstein read his own publication lately?

Stage names of porn stars are so entertaining: Candy Apples, Serenity, Seymore Butts, Michelle Derriere, Michael J. Cox.

Trend: The latest in porn is bukkake, where multiple men simultaneously ejaculate on a woman's face. It started in Japan, where it is illegal. AVN managing editor Mark Logan, who notes that the men posture and preen and give each other high fives after squirtin', calls it "hockey with come." I think it speaks for itself.

Under three hours—that's how long the show lasted. "Mercifully brief," Logan noted.

V is for the outrageously gaudy Venetian Hotel and Casino, where the AVN awards were held and most of the porn stars stayed.

Winners: Freaks, Whoes and Flows for Best Ethnic-Themed Video; Hardcore Champion-ship Fucking, Best Comedy; Tampa Tushy Fest, Best All-Girl Sex Scene in a Video; Rogue Adventures 3: Big-Ass She-Male Adventure, Best Transsexual Tape; and The 4 Finger Club 2, Best All-Girl Feature.

X is for XXX-rated and proud of it.

Y2K marks the final year of the adult section being a part of CES. Next year, AVN will sponsor its own show, Logan said.

Z is for zealous and not-so-zealous fans. Some waited an hour in line to snap a photo, while others ask for your autograph, then ask you your name. Yup, makes you feel like a star.

 
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