NY Mirror

But we were only here to discuss Dolls—in which Patty aptly shrieks, "Boobies, boobies, boobies!"—so in a hilarious panel discussion before the screening, MC Whoopi Goldberg led Valley girls Duke, Barbara Parkins, and Lee Grant down mammary lane. "It was a money job, you know?" said Grant, and Whoopi responded, "Center square. I know." At this point, Grant's chair loudly fell apart, and Parkins quipped, "It's Jackie Susann. She's upset that Bette Midler played her in Isn't She Great!" From there, all hell—and chairs—broke loose, and the divas proceeded to dis everyone from the movie, including Tony Scotti (Duke: "He later decided the camera wasn't for him. I can't imagine why!"), Paul Burke (Parkins: "I found him the most sexless man. Where did they find this guy?"), Sharon Tate (Parkins: "She was smart?"), and director Mark Robson (Duke: "Every time he was mean to me, I ate four more donuts. At the wrap party, I kicked him in the shins and left"). Only the fired Judy Garland was spared—though Patty did admit that Judy walked off with her entire wardrobe.

And now, shall we dig into the valley of the wardrobe closet for some wearable items? I hear the terrific Jeanette Walls outs Matt Drudge in her upcoming book, Dish. His Gap dress must have been stained. According to my dish, Mary Wilson wants $3 million for that possible Supremes reunion tour, but Diana Ross said, "If she won't take two, we'll get someone else." (Come on, ladies, where did our love go?) Meanwhile, Madonna's been causing a supreme stink by blabbing everywhere about how her homosexual minion, Rupert Everett, is so hot because he doesn't seem gay (which is arguable in itself). It's that same old tired "straight-acting" bullshit that we usually bash ourselves with! The "American Pie" server enthused to Vanity Fair that Rupert's "not obviously gay, and he's got a really macho vibe about him!" And she just told Next, "I think Rupert is a fantastic gay role model because he doesn't really fit into middle America's preconceived notion about what gay men are: that sort of effeminate, nellie, queenie, gay personality . . . He's actually quite butch." Gee, thanks, Madonna! Me, your brother, your old dance teacher, the cast of your "Vogue" video, your fans, and everyone else you know are just thrilled to realize we're not fantastic role models! How Weill.

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