NY Mirror

But this column needs a darker climax, maybe something serious enough to make even the whales stop vomiting. It can't be my insider gossip that Erica Kane's daughter Bianca on All My Children will soon be revealed as a lesbian—that's positively inspiring, even though I hear Erica ( Susan Lucci ) will respond by snarling something like "But you're a pretty girl!" How about how the pretty odd Rex Reed just wrote in The New York Observer that, in the dispiriting Cecil B. Demented, "homosexual couplings of every description" contribute to "the generally rotten taste"? Gee, Rex, thanks for equating gay sex with bad taste! Did you forget that you're a big, old homosexual coupler? Are you having another "senior moment"?

I know I am—here's a good, depressing finish—over the way First Amendment activism seems to have narrowed its targets. I held my breath and waited two weeks to see if there'd be any uproar over that NAACP leader being suspended (he later quit) for making anti-Semitic remarks about Joe Lieberman . I thought maybe someone would invoke free speech or claim it's a witch-hunt to deprive the guy of his income just because he said something utterly horrific and biased. Well, guess what? There wasn't a fucking peep. Nobody rallied to his defense, not even anti-Semites, and no one started a fund to compensate the moron for his loss in the wake of his verbal bravery.

So why, when Dr. Laura Schlessinger trashes gays in a similarly hate-mongering manner, is it considered an outrage for us to drop a house on the lady by asking advertisers to pull out or Paramount to cancel her? Sure, Paramount isn't a civil rights organization, but it does generally strive to be responsible, doesn't it? I mean, I bet they wouldn't give that NAACP guy a talk show on which to spew his poisonous views on a daily basis. Well, come on, Paramount, show your balls and do it! Grace your fall syndication lineup with The Jews Are Money-Grubbers Show and don't back down in the wake of all the inevitable protests. Only then will I believe you're an equal-opportunity offender whose commitment to freedom of speech is worthy of serious consideration. And while you're at it, give Styx a talk show, why don't you.

Read this and past La Dolce Mustos at villagevoice.com/musto.

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