NY Mirror

When another bikinied Einstein was asked something about her speculative cosurvivors—see, these dingleberries were supposed to pretend they were in a beauty version of Survivor—she winced and said, "My cosurvivors? Who are they?" Golly gee, she didn't have any, actually—she was promptly thrown off the fake island and the girl who was clueless about My Fair Lady miraculously snuck into the winner's tiara. I guess they figured she could always catch that show over a heaping bowl of sausage stew.

After seeing an upcoming Cinemax program called Princess Diana's Dresses, I want to be stewed and wearing a Versace gown when Freddie Prinze Jr. rescues me—and even if he never shows up, I'll still have the joy of that impossibly glitzy fabric cradling my frenzied flesh. The documentary focuses on the loony tunes—and even a few sensible people—who now own the ensembles that once helped our fair lady spontaneously go from dowdy duck to downy swan to the tune of a few kazillion smackers. Among the real-life characters interviewed is an outrageous drag queen named Zondra Foxx, whom I've always been extremely afraid of, though it turns out she's a serious art collector with something to say. Zondra, who bid on a deafeningly loud red dress of Di's at Christie's, offers this by way of secular art history: "Diana has the iconography of a saint in having relics and in being martyred. In baroque painting, there are always young women being stripped to their birthday suit and being horribly tortured by these evil-looking characters who may be construed today as the paparazzi pursuing and torturing Diana." Zondra certainly went for baroque on that Di dress. Alas, she was outbid.

And now, it's ciao-ciao to chow-chow and hello to Forever Plaid. Chomp-chomp-chomp-chomp . . . bravo!

musto@villagevoice.com

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