By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
When I see a naked woman spread out in the centerfold of Playboy or a porn queen sitting atop some stud in reverse-cowgirl position or a sassy stripper showing her pink in a gentlemen's all-nude club, one burning question always comes to mind: Who does her pubic hair? Sure, I appreciate a tasteful pose, an artful fuck, and an athletic pole dance as much as the next womanI just can't help but notice a well-groomed cunt when it's staring me in the face. Inevitably, my inquiring mind wants to know how it got to look so inviting (and how I can get mine to look just as fetching). In his commercials, mousse and manageability guru Paul Mitchell says, "Got a question? Ask your hairdresser." But something tells me that the folks at Vidal Sassoon aren't gonna return my call on this one.
A tastefully trimmed twat doesn't happen by accident; it takes time, technique, and talent. For girls in the sex biz, whose pussies are their paychecks, a stylish snatch is just as important as false eyelashes and smudge-proof lipstick. I suspect they learn and develop their own techniques for keeping up the appearance of their private parts. But when it comes to a coed freshly plucked from a Midwest farm to be Penthouse Pet of the Month or a celebrity showing it all off for Hugh Hefner's audiencedo they call in a professional? I mean, did the Playboy editors recommend someone to style wrestler Chyna's vagina? Did the WWF diva do it herself with Lady Gillette? Or is her carefully coiffed cunt a product of modern technologyyou know, like Shoes by Prada, Pussy by Photoshop?
Shearing our slits is not just for porn stars anymore. Some of us haven't yet received an invitation to pose from Mr. Hefner (hint, hint), but we still prefer to preen our pusses for our own enjoyment, for aesthetics, or both. How does the everyday girl get helpful hints on selecting an appropriate shape, preventing razor bumps, clippers versus hot wax? How come no one has lectured at the Learning Annex or written a witty how-to book on the subject? (Note to self: Fax proposal to Judith Regan at once!) Cosmo may mention where to get a good bikini wax for that trip to the Bahamas, but what about the girl who wants to go beyond the bathing-suit line? Where is Martha Stewart when my pussy needs her?
When it comes to mowing our lickable lawns, the hairstyle you choose for your kitty can be an expression of your personal taste. You may want to neatly trim the edges, leaving the fullness of your bush mostly intact. Opt for a traditional triangle and create the bottom of an arrow to point the way to pleasure. Crop your hair into a vertical so-called "landing strip" (obviously named by a jet-setting man). Once you've decided on a general shape, think about height and fullness: Do you want a fluffy tuft or a shorter, trimmed-to-the-nape-of-the-neck look? Perhaps you're daring enough to make your beaver completely bare.
To manicure your muff's mane, you can go the way of the Sex and the City chicks and choose hot wax. Unless you've experienced another part of your body being waxed, I would not recommend that your first waxing experience be South of the Border. While I know some folks who wax at home, I say leave it to the professionals. Electrolysis is permanent, although it requires several treatments and is your most expensive option. Another disadvantage of both waxing and electrolysis is that they are best done by someone else, and unless your partner is a licensed beautician the experience is not exactly sexy.
Shaving is simple, painless, and can be a two-person job. Entrusting someone else to take a very sharp object to a very tender spot can be scary, exciting, and awfully arousinga close shave can be the perfect presex practice. Or perhaps you want the skill of a pro with an erotic twist. My friend Audrey wants her fiancé to open a shaving parlor, where, for a nominal fee, women can go and have their pussies shaved in a sensual way by a handsome stud. "Why should I go to a salon and have an old woman spread my labia and wax every inch of my pussy while she acts like she's giving me a pedicure? I'd rather have a cute guy shave me, and do it in an erotic way." (Note to self: Draft business plan for Stylish Snatch Salon tomorrow.)
Personally, I absolutely love to take a blade to my cunt. Shaving is not only a do-it-yourself (or with a lover) project, but an intensely erotic ritual for me. I have a very particular routine. First, I trim any long or bushy areas with scissors. Using a soft face brush and Aveda Body Polish, I gently exfoliate the area, rinse with cool water, then lather up with Aveeno Shave Gel. Using a sharp Gillette Mach 3 (way better than the cheap disposable single-blade kind), I begin with the pubic mound and work my way down to the more tender parts, shaving with, rather than against, the direction of hair growth and pulling the skin taut to prevent nicks.