Pump Up Your Clit

For years, the penis pump has been a sex toy for boys. While the devices are available in several different styles, the Dom Perignon of penis pumps is the Millennium Pump (www.millenniumpumps.com, 866-333-PUMP), a handheld contraption with assorted sizes of detachable plastic cylinders. The bottom of the cylinder creates a vacuum seal around the base of the dick, and with each squeeze of the pump, suction and pressure increases, and blood rushes to your chubby. Part of the pump's appeal is its multifaceted personality. Slip your cock into its cylinder, and this baby can get you up and help you stay that way (who needs Viagra?). The advantage of a detachable cylinder is that you can pump up, then detach the pump, leaving the pressurized cylinder on. It will also suck you off better than an ambitious intern. It may even give your hot rod a lasting boost—some guys who pump up on a regular basis report permanent increases in length (research has shown that pumping can stretch an internal ligament up to two inches).

I must admit that I am jealous that such a multitasking toy only works on men. Why can't I indulge in the pleasures of a tight seal and the suctioning ability of a Hoover? Thank the goddess, lesbian ingenuity has struck once again. In yet another step toward equal orgasmic rights, women have commandeered something originally intended only for phallic pleasure and transformed it into a tool of pussy power. Using the same pumping mechanism, and replacing the penis-sized cylinder with a smaller one (originally intended for use on nipples), chicks have created the Clit Pump.

I first took the Clit Pump for a spin when my friend Sarah brought one with her on a recent visit. When she took it out of the plastic bag, I admit that it didn't put me in the mood right away. It appeared complicated (a pressure gauge that looked like it belonged in the Tour de France, not my bedroom), clinical (tubing attached to a cylinder three and a half inches long with a five-eighths-of-an-inch diameter), and a little intimidating (a brass pump with a metal handle reminiscent of hedge clippers).

"Drop your drawers," she said with her thick English accent.

I did as I was told, and soon she was rubbing a handful of I-D Glide on my "bits" (the English have such bizarre words to describe anything sexual) and lubing up the inside of the cylinder as well. I slid my clit, its hood, and part of my inner lips in the cylinder, then pressed the rim firmly against my skin.

"Try to create a perfect seal so that the vacuum action will work," recommended Sarah.

Pump in hand, she squeezed once, and I felt a pull, like a suction cup was on my clit. She squeezed again, and blood rushed to my pussy, making it throb. Squeeze number three, and I looked down to see my clit red, swollen, and filling half the cylinder. It looked huge.

I suddenly remembered the first time I saw porn star Sydnee Steele on the set of an adult film. Like all women, when the juices started flowing, Sydnee's clit grew. But she had one of the largest I've ever seen—I was captivated by her juicy pussy and full, luscious clit that could fill my entire mouth. I recall being super turned on but also really envious. It would be so cool to have a really big clit. (See, guys, you are not the only ones who can be obsessive about size.)

With Sarah's hand wrapped firmly on the pumping mechanism, and the cylinder fused to my pussy, I was well on the way to a bigger clit (at least temporarily). As a bonus, not only was it big, when I took the cylinder off, it was supersensitive. One touch of a vibrator, and I was in outer space. I was raring to go in five minutes flat!

Scientifically speaking, it makes perfect sense that the same pleasure principle can be applied to both cock and clit. Even though we have been conditioned to think that penis is to vagina as yin is to yang, that's entirely incorrect and has kept all of us in the dark about women's pleasure. The fact is that the clitoris (not the cunt) and the penis are very similar in structural design: Both are made of erectile tissue, both fill with blood, swell, and harden during arousal. Before you reach for the pump—well, before you touch another clit (your own or someone else's), you must read Rebecca Chalker's fantastic new book The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips (Seven Stories Press). Chalker details every last millimeter of the clitoris. While it is similar to its penile counterpart, it's much more than mini-manmeat.

Which is good news for butches and other genderbenders. Karlyn Lotney, a San Francisco sex celeb and advice columnist also known as "Fairy Butch" (www.fairybutch.com), details the ups and downs of clit pumping in her book The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex. One of the most knowledgeable and experienced pumping aficionados, Lotney says, "Some female-bodied people such as transmen and stone butches who do not identify with their female genitalia find that oral sex is transformed after clit pumping; because the size of the clitoris may increase dramatically, fantasies of fellatio are easily accommodated." Lotney has even pioneered a technique of penetration with a cylinder, but don't you dare attempt it without carefully reading her tips and caveats first.

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