NY Mirror

TWO THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING A FREELANCE WRITER: Magazines that keep postponing running an article you've written, then say, "We can't possibly go with this now because it's so dated." Also, magazines that completely rewrite your article to fit their style, then say, "We can't possibly run this now because it doesn't have enough of your voice in it." But don't get me started.

LIVIN' LA VIDA REALLY LOCA: Studiously enough, practically every other word in Ricky Martin's hit songs was she. You know, "She bangs, she booms, she fucks, she sucks my dick, she does a mean salsa dance," and so on. All right, girl, we get it!

DUELING HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZAS: A Very Jackie Christmas at the Slipper Room used a burlesque theme to make it clear that a transsexual's naked snatch is the ultimate yuletide gift and the real snow this season is coke and lots of it. At Grove Street Playhouse, Christmas With the Crawfords—starring Joey Arias and Matthew Martin—trots out every familiar Mommie Dearest utterance ("Bring me the ax!") with giddy high spirits and celebrity-impersonation drop-ins that transform the beloved holy day into a celebration of the real J.C.—Joan Crawford. Ho-ho-homosexuals love it!

Our favorite "old-fashioned Mom" offers baby a special treat.
illustration: Carly Castillon
Our favorite "old-fashioned Mom" offers baby a special treat.

LATE-BREAKING GOSSIP: Britney Spears and mom recently went shopping for decorative household items at a major downtown store. The verdict? "Bad taste." Big shock!

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