NY Mirror

But things have been slow—so slow that I'm getting sick just thinking about the movie Madonna's supposed to make with her hubby, Tarantino wannabe Guy Ritchie. This project will surely end the marriage, both careers, the entire art of moviemaking, and probably all of civilization! Doesn't anyone remember Shanghai Surprise?

On a happier note, Britney (if not Madonna) was represented in Butch It Up 2: Don't Ask, Don't Tell—a vigorously fun revue at the Duplex consisting of guys in army fatigues belting out women's songs with honest emotion and campy winks. The show served up star turn after star turn—a hip-hop "At the Ballet," a butt-grabbing West Side Story, a heartfelt "He Touched Me"—and the recurring theme of secret love added poignance, the wonderful cast delivering the songs as if they were written for gay men. My main complaint is that no new life can possibly be mined out of "Don't Cry Out Loud." Just keep it inside.

But I can't hold back just a couple more things. Famous relation Bebe Buell sang out loud in a hard-driving set at Don Hill's that had her boasting of sobriety ("I am the mother of rock and roll, so I must stay completely clean"), taking off her coat to reveal a clingy blouse ("Try not to stare at this area. I get hard nipples when I rock"), and serving up candid confessions ("I'm good at making other people famous"). It's her turn—she's fabulous!

Exchanging DNA?: Javier Bardem (left) and Julian Schnabel, the star and director of Before Night Falls
photo: Christopher Smith
Exchanging DNA?: Javier Bardem (left) and Julian Schnabel, the star and director of Before Night Falls

Meanwhile, nipples froze in terror when Barneys shoppers took in the poignant sight of Christina Aguilera looking humiliated as her gigantic coat got stuck in a moving escalator. I felt so bad for her! But I recovered in time to overhear a fashion queen say this at an awards event at Cipriani: "I'm tired of open relationships. I saw my last boyfriend in a circle jerk with four musclemen at the Cock. It was cool for the moment, but then I thought, 'Is this guy really going to be there for me?' " Yeah, honey—when things are slow.


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