NY Mirror

Comic Robert Klein spoke volumes to the other end at a Gotham Comedy Club benefit for the Children's Brain Tumor Foundation—in fact, he belted out a Disney-style ballad that went, "A colonoscopy/a tiny TV camera four feet inside of me . . . " And the audience sang along—with their mouths!

Back to gabby genitals, if Jim, the helicopter pilot-lawyer from ABC's reality show The Mole, looks vaguely familiar, it's because a few years ago at a club called Cake, he won the Prettiest Penis contest—several times. (ABC didn't return a call for comment.) Performer Justin Bond, who MC'd the event, even has Polaroids, and says, "I think he's the Mole. A gay lawyer? Sounds like a mole to me."

My privates would now like to address the Golden Globe awards, which are much nuttier and faster-paced than the Oscars, at least until that tribute to a legend stops everything dead with bad hair and reminiscences of fourth-grade teachers. I loved the weird grab-bag categories (Vanessa Redgrave beat Megan Mullaley for something) and wacky behavior (like Liz Taylor reading off the teleprompter, "Elizabeth: Billy Elliot," and later bellowing "Y'all, y'all, y'all!"—she had just the right who-gives-a-shit attitude). I even liked Billy's Jamie Bell seeming to mutter contemptuously to himself as that other child star, Haley Joel Osment, sang his praises.

Sick, sick, sick: TV Funhouse’s Robert Smigel and furry friend
photo: Gabe Palacio/Image Direct
Sick, sick, sick: TV Funhouse’s Robert Smigel and furry friend

But though I worship Sarah Jessica Parker—the vulnerable one on Sex and the City—she's got to stop holding her head, looking faux-stunned, and saying, "I'm so ill-prepared" before droning into a 10-minute speech that's clearly been rehearsed for months. And while Kate Hudson is cute enough—in fact, she's so popular I'm dropping Kate Winslet from my Oscar nomination predictions in favor of her—I'm sure her costar Frances McDormand was thrilled when Hudson told her, "You're such an inspiration to every young actress." Just ram a fist covered in peanut butter up her ass, why don't you?


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