By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21)
Your upcoming relationship with the planet Mars should be invigorating, fun, disruptive, and challenging. Whereas it usually stays in your sign for two months every two years, in 2001 it'll be there from February 14 till September 8its longest visit since 1969. During this time Mars will continually prod you to be a high-minded, fair-fighting warrior who battles for truth and justice. If you don't cooperate, on the other hand, it'll whip up discord and stimulate your anger. So what'll it be, Saj? Six months of fiery devotion to your most beautiful ambitions? Or would you rather meander along chaotically, unable to make up your mind about which goals to serve, consumed by irritating skirmishes with unworthy foes?
CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Mr. Complexity has two simple questions this week: What binds you? And how are you going to undo the binds? Address these riddles with the blended powers of your heart and mind, Capricorn, and life will show you how to replace your shackles with beautiful weavings. Now Mr. Complexity would like to pose two rather complicated queries, if it's not too much to ask. Have you considered the possibility that you're more creative than you realize? And that as long as you tolerate the aforementioned binds, you're enforcing your ignorance about your creativity?
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18)
You've managed to gain passage through the First Gate, Aquarius. Congratulations! There's nothing wrong with feeling ebullient, even cocky, about your success in this initial test. But don't let your satisfaction distract you from the preparations necessary to finish your quest. The tricks you'll need to open the Second Gate will have to be more tender and ingenious than those you've used before, and the mood of the guardian of the Third Gate will be thoroughly unpredictable. If I could give you just one gem of advice to guide your navigations, it would be an epigram from the Greek philosopher-poet Heraclitus: "Fire rests by changing."
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb 19-March 20)
I'm always astounded when the cosmic omens make extremely specific recommendations, but this week's revelations for you outstrip all my previous amazements. Get this, Pisces. It'll be a perfect time for you to get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ or to unleash a greedy prayer while playing in a fountain. You will also have subtle but powerful help from invisible sources if you use sex consciously to generate the energy to overcome limitations in your work or art. Other recommended activities: acquire a snow globe containing a dolphin drinking beer; skywrite erotic poems above the Vatican; consecrate an amulet to the goddess Inanna or Isis; read Dante's Divine Comedy: Paradise and Milton's Paradise Regained; or act out the following epigram: "The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
Please comment on the following: "Sooner or later, each of us will be a well-rounded, incredibly kind, extremely wealthy genius with lots of leisure time and an orgiastic feminist conscience." Write: email@example.com.