NY Mirror

A A A Comments (0) By Michael Musto Tuesday, Feb 27 2001

All right, who doesCharo think is humpable in Hollywood? "Everybody looks like shit," she said. "Kevin Costner looks like a bookkeeper. Brad Pitt is too pretty. But Pierce Brosnan is very sexy!" A discussion of the muchachas inevitably led to Monica Lewinsky, about whom Charo insensitively said, "The only thing wrong with her is that her ass is bigger than Montana." How about the little problem that Clinton's married? "Well, nobody's perfect!" exclaimed Charo, echoing the last line of Some Like It Cuchi-Cuchi. She's mental!

And so's Madonna—if we can move up to date—who surprised me with her letter to the L.A. Timesdefending Eminem's relentless horsing around with homophobia. Madonna seems so anxious to remain cool with the kids that she's played havoc with the gay supporters she's uplifted for years. I have a problem with her argument that Eminem's just reflecting society (so do anti-Semitic demagogues) and that "at least he has an opinion"—as if whether gays deserve to be sliced up, even in a supposed pose or a joke, is up for debate. She could have said, "He's brilliant and protected by free speech, but he should lay the fuck off my gay children!"

photo: Brian Finke

"I've been doing salsa since my cuchi-cuchi was only a gitchie-gitchie": Charo a-go-go.

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Finally, some undebatable dish: I hear Tom Cruise has been renting six rooms a night at a posh L.A. hotel. (I guess wifey got the house.) And what the packed house at the Garden's big Vagina Monologuesevent didn't know is that Calista Flockhart got her period at one extremely vivid point in the evening. I don't care—I stillwant a vagina!

musto@villagevoice.com