By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
The poetry of your imminent future reminds me of certain lipstick names: Plum Silk, Honey Amber, Golden Brandy, and Soft Sea Spice. I'm betting there'll even be some Molten Ruby moments in there as well, possibly even a touch of Mucho Gusto Coco Loco. Given this state of affairs, you might like to study up on exotic love-making techniques like Dancing Phoenix in the Valley of Bliss, Night-Long Sipping of the Moon Flower Medicine, or Jeweled Lotus Swimming in the Grotto of the Tiger Lily. For more inspiration, check out the following books: Sexual Energy Ecstasy by David and Ellen Ramsdale, Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving by Charles and Caroline Muir, The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know by Mantak Chia, and The Essential Tantra: A Modern Guide to Sacred Sexuality by Kenneth Ray Stubbs.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
If you're typical, you've already taken in over 8000 advertisements this year. You might think this is just a harmless annoyance, but I don't agree. To avoid damaging your ability to measure the true value of things, you must immediately cut your commercial intake by at least half. Please avert your eyes, turn down the volume, and do whatever it takes to protect yourself from this dangerous form of subliminal pollution. I'm especially suggesting this now because it's prime time, astrologically speaking, to upgrade your approach to absorbing information.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Any expert in demographics will tell you that far more women than men check out their horoscopes. But that's not so true about this column. The ratio here is 57 percent female, 39 percent male, and 4 percent other genders. It's also the case that among my Aquarian readers, about 17 percent of the women have more masculine intelligence than the average men of other signs, and 13 percent of the Aquarian men have more feminine intelligence than normal women. I predict these figures will rise even further in the coming weeks, since many of you will be absolutely brilliant at blowing away gender stereotypes.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
"In Africa you punish a child by not giving her homework," wrote a reader named Dulce in a recent e-mail. It led me to muse on the fact that as adults, most of us don't get anywhere near the homework we need to keep our souls lively. Instead we're barraged by shit work that ties up our brains and numbs our heart. I mention this, Pisces, because you're entering an astrological phase when juicy homework assignments will be the best gifts you can get. Here's one now. In ancient Celtic culture, a person was thought to be born through three forces: the union of two parents, an ancestor's longing for rebirth, and the touch of a particular god or goddess. Please meditate on what ancient spirit you might be carrying within you and what divine entity aided your creation.
Comment on the following: "The wild but disciplined mind nurtured by great sex is a key to reforming our outmoded political system." Write to email@example.com.