By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
You want pale? Back on Broadway, The Adventures of Tom Sawyerpasses before you without much weight, pizzazz, or purpose. It's another one of those pleasant but colorless by-the-numbers adaptations of the type I used to perform for my cousins in the basement. The lead guy seems like an escapee from a Pippinrevival, and the brooding Injun must have run across the street from Cuckoo's Nest. Swap-um ticket now.
But people went cuckoo at the premiere of HBO's Billy Crystal-directed baseball opus, 61*, set in a misty, watercolor era I loved. (I'm getting older too.) Throngs of paparazzi and fans were lined up outside, and I wanted to grab them all by the neck and yell, "Relax! It's only a TV movie!" but I was the one pushing and screaming the most. "Bar mitzvah flashback!" said Crystal, faced with the appreciative throngs, who were hot for the movie, and not just when Mickey Mantle emitted lines like "I bet I got more pussy than Babe Ruth" and "I like women with small hands. Makes my dick look bigger."
At the after-party, all the guests had their balls out and were getting them signed by a myriad of baseball legends and cable stars. "I'm blushing from meeting Yogi Berra," gushed The Sopranos' Aida Turturro, who then looked at her drink and said, "Whose is this?" before downing it with brio. And Berra himself told me, "They did a good job with the movie. I wish I was in itin person." Sorry, guy, you're still alive.
Finally, some new life is on the way via preggers Ricki Lake, who told me at a Paper party at Thom's Bar that she'll have the baby at home and that her four-year-old son might even cut the umbilical cord. "We're not doing things the conventional way," said the TV host, who I hear has already booked the cord for a very special Ricki Lake Show!
Kyle Bradford, the porn star who's being sued by Tom Cruise for an interview he reportedly gave to a French magazine called Actustar describing an alleged relationship he had with Cruise, tells me he never GAVE the interview! This is corroborated by Actustar, a representative of which tells me they never ran any such interviewjust a short piece addressing some internet rumors. A Spanish language magazine named TV Y Novelas recently ran lengthy quotes from Bradford, attributing much of their story to Actustar. The plot thickens! P.S. I know for a fact that Bradford did give an interview to a British tabloid journalist, though the tab didn't go with the email@example.com