By Albert Samaha
By Darwin BondGraham
By Keegan Hamilton
By Anna Merlan
By Anna Merlan
By Tessa Stuart
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
It's Gay Pride Month, tra la, but President Bush refused to proclaim it as such because he "does not believe in politicizing people's sexual orientation." That's funnyDubya certainly used his to get into the White House, arguing that his solid relationship with wifey made him a supremely noble candidate worthy of your butterfly ballot.
But what the fuckGay Pride without Bush's endorsement is like Earth Day without an oil spill. And whatever the official word is on our right to be openly proud, being gay in 2001 New York still has its undeniable joys and intrigues, along with the usual headaches, all of which I've personally experienced just from watching Showtime.
It's a life filled with contradictions, beginning with the fact that our adulterous mayor is on a phobic spree that includes closing down anything sex-related that isn't a $100-a-pop Broadway show. Of course there are ironies within the gay community, toolike Andrew Sullivan's high-tech sex outing, whereby the conservative critic of gay promiscuity was revealed to promote himself on barebacking Web sites as a wanton studmuffin who likes to turn tricks with his bum. This saucy scandal showed that we're alltorn between our intellects and our dicks, though only some are able to yell at gay men for being too stereotypically hedonistic while also screeching, "Give it to me, you hot, tempestuous pig!" In the midst of the uproar over Sullivan's travels, one onlooker commented that the most fun to be had was calling up the guy's personal Web site and seeing the phrase "downloading Andrew Sullivan."
Naturally, showbiz is what Imilk for juice, and it pays off, providing a glitzy reflection of society's absurd responses to queer life. For each step forward lately, there's a giant one back, with every Barbara Waltersdaring to "go there" paving the way for a Ricky Martinshaking his bon-bon at inaugural festivities (did he really need the exposure?) or a Madonnarighteously defending Eminem's verbal carving of gays as refreshingly un-p.c.
And the absurdities keep on cominglike the fact that we'restill not allowed to marry, but the law fully permitted Barry Dillerto tie the knot with Diane von Furstenberg, their wedding seemingly attended by more gays than last year's Pride parade. On the bright side, our parents probably don't have much sex either. At least these two like each other!
But the biggest, kookiest gay story of the year involved divorcé Tom Cruisesuing a gabby porn star, stating that the gossip the guy was spreading was erroneous and could devastate Tom's career. And why? Because, Tom's lawyers explained, our star needs to be convincing as a hetero action hero and doesn't want to lose the sizable chunk of his following that's antigay! Funny, I don't remember Tom Hanksthreatening, "Don't tell anyone I like womenI'm starring as a homosexual in Philadelphiaand I need people to believe me." Cruise has alsonever been mad about being called straight, even though such reports could conceivably diminish ticket revenue coming from gay audiences and hetero bashers. Yes, Cruise has a right to sue for what he deems are untruths, but he shouldn't have fed into that old bull that gay talkin an obscure French magazine yetis deeply detrimental and vicious (though of course he added that there's nothing wrong with being gay, blah blah blah).
Tom usedto focus on suing anyone who said his marriage to Nicole Kidmanwas a sham, but now that their union's as shattered as Tom's Oscar hopes, he's had to vehemently chase down other targets. On DataLoungemy favorite Web site, filled with bitchy, opinionated postingssomeone put up a mock article titled "Tom Cruise Sues Long Island Man for Masturbating to His Image." But the real saga was even more fascinating. Nicole was suddenly announced as having been pregnantthis via the man she was on the verge of breaking up with! (Sadly, she miscarried.) And after the split, the tabloids quickly had Cruise dating another woman, Patricia Arquettea false story later exposed as a case of mistaken identity.
If Tom somehow isworried about losing his gay fan base, he should relax; Rosie O'Donnellstill gushes about him on her talk show! But who can keep track of herlove life? Soon after she said, "I love you, Kelli!" at the Daytime Emmies, Rosie explained that Kelli's just a very close friend, and later raved on her show about a hot-looking man she'd spotted at a movie theater. Maybe he'll take her mind off Tomif not Kelli.
On nighttime TVwell, cablewe've had a phalanx of gay characters humping and bumping, but all the progress instantly dissolves whenever Queer as Folkactors run to the press to blather about how they washed their mouths out with Listerine after kissing scenes. If these people ever played murderers, I'm sure they wouldn't bother to hold press conferences saying, "By the way, I was deeply repulsed, never having killed anyone in real life." But playing gay? Eeew.
Thank goddess that Gale Haroldwho stars as Folk's hot-to-trot Brianshowed great enlightenment recently when a TV interviewer asked if he was afraid he might lose jobs as a result of playing a gay character. "I wouldn't want to work for homophobes anyway," he said as thousands cheered. Yaysomeone saying the right thing! I love you, KelliI mean Gale!