By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
In appreciation of your thoughtful efforts at keeping your past from becoming your future, I am hereby awarding you with a temporary Time Travel Permit, good for one round trip in any direction. It's none of my business, of course, what you decide to do with it, though I must be honest and tell you I'd frown on a sentimental visit to your first kiss or your last breath. Instead, please consider using your Permit to journey two months into the future, where you can gather intelligence for this fall's showdown between Mother Nature and Father Time.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
I'm not opposed to your playing with fire, metaphorically speaking, as long as you've studied fire safety and have a fire extinguisher, metaphorically speaking. In fact, I'm secretly pleased that normally cautious Capricorns are considering such crackling good fun. But I would feel even better about sanctioning your creative pyromania if you'd read up on the legend of the phoenix, the bird miraculously reborn from the ashes of a conflagration that consumed its original body. Keep it mythic, baby.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Let's face it: You're hopelessly addicted to food, water, air, sleep, money, clothing, shelter, and love. Lately, your cravings for all of these precious things have grown to almost superhuman levels, and so have your hungers for a host of bonus pleasures. I have to say, Aquarius, that you seem to be spiraling into ever greater neediness. Luckily for you, though, this couldn't have come at a more auspicious moment, becausesurprise!it's time for the annual Celebrate Your Neediness Festival. During this holiday, it's actually good for you to revel and rejoice and even wallow in your neediest neediness.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
The smog is dissipating from your field of dreams. The oil slicks are mysteriously disappearing from your stream of consciousness. And I bet if we analyzed your tears, they'd be free of all pesticides, acid rain, and self-pity. In fact, the only lingering snag left over from your struggles against psychic pollution is a mechanical problem. It seems the allegorical F-stop on your metaphysical G-spot is jammed. But very soon you'll find the whimsical X-factor that'll get it unstuck.
Tell a story about the time Spirit reached down and altered your course in one tricky, manic swoop. Write: firstname.lastname@example.org.