NY Mirror

And now, to cleanse your palate, here are some soothingly bootylicious blind items: What young socialite had a thing with that female "photographer" and a German shepherd? (If you've got the balls, she's got the space.) What substance-challenged model has a child who was generously fathered by her uncle? What downtown legend was lusted after by a lesbian who didn't pursue it because she decided said legend is a trannie and might not get moist between her legs? (But she's nota trannie, I swear, and gets even wetter than a hurricane.) What moralistic figure isa trannie? (Well, he likes to dress up in drag for sex flings with women?)

What married club owner is dating someone I know, and I'll slap him senseless if he breaks her little heart (not to mention that of his wife)? What famous brother got a blowjob at a peep show in Arizona—from a guy? What superstar pulls her face together with lots of tape rather than get surgery, which, you know, would hurt? What other superstar has scars all over her noggin because she's already been lifted more than once, thank you? What was the best Behind the Music ever? (Free answer: the one about the Bangles, which ended with the gals beaming about how happy they are to be reunited, only to have Susanna Hoffsinterrupt a rehearsal by saying, "Someone's playing the wrong chord. Who is it?") Who's The Opposite of Sex creator Don Roos's longtime boyfriend? (Another freebie: All Over the Guy writer-costar Dan Bucatinsky—Dan told me!) What gay director married that big-time sapphic sister he's worked with? What rowdy matinee idol danced at a club with a girl who impulsively handed him a beer bottle that he promptly shoved up her privates? What series star let his child pee in the big Central Park fountain when nobody was looking? Now do you know why I don't drink out of the Central Park fountain?

But let's do hang out nearby at the Plaza. I'll pretend to be a hooker.


musto@villagevoice.com Musto can be heard weekdays at 3 and 7 p.m. on Voice Radio.

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