NY Mirror

The audience became the stars once again at the House of Xavier's Bootylicious Ball at Asseteria, appropriately enough, when all available divas were encouraged to shake their large heinies down the catwalk for a category called "J.Lo Realness." A 400-pound man in overalls promptly took the stage, shaking and wiggling like a tornado, until being thrown off when he admitted he thought it was "Jell-ORealness."

Then came the horror, and all attempts at buoyancy ended—though last Wednesday, high-school-aged patrons were lined up for miles outside the UA Union Square Theater, which was generously offering that old healing escapism in the form of free movies and popcorn. The moviegoing experience gave the kids a chance to tap into their newfound sense of communality, and there were no rules; you could walk into any flick you liked, which resulted in 12-year-olds turning up at L.I.E., the heartwarming NC-17 tale of a pedophile who empowers a troubled boy. Even more controversially, they showed a trailer for Collateral Damage, an Arnold Schwarzeneggeropus (since postponed) about a terrorist attack on an American city. Funny how trash imitates life before it even happens.

musto@villagevoice.com. Musto can be heard weekdays at 3 and 7 p.m. on Voice Radio.

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