By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
ARIES(March 21-April 19)
Warning: image overhaul under way; persona in flux. Old boundaries partially washed away; new lines not yet drawn. Familiar friends insecure in light of shifting meanings; fresh allies attracted by whiff of sexy risks. Recommendation: Hunt down even pithier questions; shun smooth solutions and premature answers. Harvest delightful revelations resulting from a willingness to be affectionately intimate with uncertainty. Enjoy the seductive power that comes from being mysterious.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
If I were speaking to you in my role as a militant play activist, I might dare you to begin weaning yourself from your job. I'd tempt you to increasingly devote yourself to creating a rhythm in which leisure and fun occupy as much of your time as wage-slavery. Even more audaciously, I'd ask you to imagine in vivid detail how to make money from doing what you love. But in my role as your conscientious astrologer, I can't dangle that advice in front of you. You may not have the luxury of living in poverty for years, as I did while I followed my bliss until it paid off. So instead, Taurus, please accept the following counsel: Use all your ingenuity to make your job a bouncier, zippier, fizzier experience.
GEMINI(May 21-June 20)
A recent poll asked, "If you were a dog and were given the chance to lick the face of any celebrity you wanted, who would it be?" Amazingly, four of the top five choices were Geminis: Angelina Jolie, Mark Wahlberg, Anna Kournikova, and Naomi Campbell. What this tells me, first of all, is that people will take seriously almost any idiocy concocted by the pollsters. But more intriguingly, it confirms a suspicion I'd already developed from my analysis of your astrological omens. You Geminis are wildly tasty these days. In fact, you're as juicy and delectable as you ever get. May I suggest that you host a feast?
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CANCER(June 21-July 22)
In Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke urged the aspiring bard to change the way he imagined the Supreme Being. "Why don't you think of God as the one who is coming," Rilke said, "who has been approaching from all eternity, the one who will someday arrive, the ultimate fruit of a tree whose leaves we are? What keeps you from projecting his birth into coming ages, and living your life as a painful and lovely day in the history of a great pregnancy?" Given your current astrological mood, Cancerian, this is an evocative subject for your meditations. Not only are you on the verge of reinventing your relationship with the Divine Intelligence; you're also poised to discover rousing secrets about your unique part in the creation of the new world that's on its way.
LEO(July 23-Aug. 22)
For years, psychotherapist Jennifer Paine Welwood has been my teacher as I've transformed myself into the person I've always wanted to be. With her help, I've freed myself from my past and escaped the grip of my personal demons. As a result, I've been able to dive into the really fun part of my life's work, which is to be in service to the greatest good of everyone I encounter. I'm not alone in benefiting from Jennifer; many others claim her as a guide. And I believe it's no coincidence that she is a direct descendant of Revolutionary War hero Thomas Paine, a staunch champion of civil liberties. Like him, she's an ingenious emancipator, a cultivator of conditions under which the soul can flourish. In describing her influence, Leo, I hope to inspire you to intensify your own quest for liberation. The cosmic moment is ripe.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Time to take the training wheels off, my overqualified friend. Time to quit pulling your punches and sugarcoating the truth and saving yourself for something better. Get your ass farther out there on the line, my dear, or else stop complaining about how no one takes you seriously enough. Your moment of reckoning is not at hand; but the dress rehearsal for that moment is. Act as if this small fork in the road is a dead ringer for the huge fork that awaits you in early 2002.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
[Editor's note: To mark the beginning of a new chapter in your own personal Book of Love, Libra, we will spend the next two weeks reviewing some useful guidelines to keep in mind. This horoscope deals with what love is not; next time we'll cover what love is.] Love is never a perfect match of totally compatible saints, so don't let sterile fantasies seduce you away from flawed but fecund realities. Love is not a low-maintenance machine, so work hard on cultivating its unpredictable organic wonders. Love is not a wholly owned subsidiary of DreamWorks or Disney, so don't let your romantic story be infected by the entertainment industry's twisted, simplistic, sentimental myths about intimate relationships.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Your destiny in the coming days may have a certain resemblance to the medieval Feast of Fools, in which poor people had license to insult privileged folks, the priests brayed like donkeys during Mass, and the village idiot wore a crown and dispensed wisdom. Your fate also reminds me of the annual DooDah Parade in Pasadena, California, where otherwise normal people shoot marshmallows out of catapults, perform synchronized dances with briefcases, and elect a Queen of Dead Roses. In other words, Scorpio, it'll be a perfect time for you to be the character you'd be if you had no expectations to live up to and nothing to lose.