By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
The kinetically fun Jimmy Fallon can't help but be the center of attention in any room he stops by. He poses with a hunk of bread sticking out of his mouth and everyone within a mile guffaws their guts out. He dunks the bread in a water glass and they all go absolutely madcap. Of course what they're really thinking is, "This little pixie is so sexy in a sweet, cuddly, puppy-dog way that I desperately want to strap him to a table and corrupt him as soon and as wantonly as possible, ha ha ha."
At a Papermagazine dinner for the Saturday Night Livestar at the Soho Grand, I found myself seated across from Fallonby demandand broke the ice by nervously leering and saying, "We're gonna turn you gay tonight." Ever the amenable one, he grinningly replied, "That would be cool!" Again: How can you not love this impish little dollface?
Working the room to nab other SNLcast members' takes on Jimmy's appeal only cemented my fervor. "Everyone loves Jimmy," said Rachel Dratch, though when I asked her if he might go for me, she said, "I'm not going to touch that!" (Yeah, but Iam.) "I think of him like my brother," chimed in Tina Fey, "but those pictures of him in Paperare totally sexy. He's so good looking and creamy skinned that if I was 14, he'd be right up my alley!"
I darted back to Jimmy before she got any ideas, and we talked, with great professional dignity, about his career highlights. He said the Jeffrey sketch is actually based on Barney's. He also admitted that he never wanted to do "Weekend Update""I don't know anything about the news"but he was willing to try it if they brought in a co-anchor. SNL writer Fey got the job and the wry chemistry clicked, to my jealous dismay!
But Jimmy and I have chemistry; we both loved Ellen DeGenereson the Emmys, though neither of us understood her reference to "Rita." (Turns out she meant Tom Hanks's wife, who's the object of his impossibly gushy awards speeches.) Everyone at this dinner wanted to be Jimmy's Rita. In the meantime, my Maya Rudolphanother lovably wack SNL performertold me that when Ellen talked to Steve Martinon the awards telecast, "all I could think of was, 'They both dated Anne Hecheand she's fucking crazy!' "
Not crazily at all, Maya's the daughter of the late legend Minnie Riperton, whose "Lovin' You" is a sweet soul classic, the one with the high note that makes dogs orgasm. Having lost her mother so young, Maya said, bonds her with other such women. "I've always had a place in my heart for Madonna!" she exclaimed.
And no doubt for Mariah Carey's Glittercharactersegue, seguethough she eventually reconnects with her crack-addict mommy, if not with the audience. Fortuitously enough, Glitter costar Ann Magnusonwas at the Fallon festsee, the segue paid offand told me she hasn't managed to see that prize work du cinéma. ("I'm waiting for the DVD," she deadpanned.) Magnuson admitted that halfway through filming, the costume designer was replaced, and the '80s looks were thrown out the wacky window. "I had to fight for my right to wear shoulder pads!" she said. "If they were really committed to the '80s thing, they were assured a camp classic. Now it's neither camp nor fowlwell, it might be foul, and I say that with a lot of love!"
As for mylove of Jimmy Fallon, he hasn't calledthat much. Playing hard to get or just playing hard? I'm not going to touch that.
Meanwhile, I'm still a slave 4 Britney Spears, who looked all flirty and perky and driven at her record-release party at Centro-Fly. Earlier, while we hung out in anticipation of her presence, a press person quipped, "I don't mind waiting. I'm a pedophile and I'm not going anywhere!" Well, Miss I'm-neither-a-child-nor-a-woman showed up and didn't disappoint, bouncily telling us "I want everyone to dance and have fun tonight. I'm wearing my boots and I'm gonna dance!" I never saw her do so, but maybe that's because for hours they played everyone's records but her ownand by time they did play it, she was on to another VIP room.
Britney's (and Maya Rudolph's) spiritual great aunt, Madonna, is the subject of a dissecting new bio by Andrew Morton, who told me that the material one was forced to have sex at knifepoint many years ago, and ended up talking about it in the movie Dangerous Game. "See it again," he urged. Um . . . busy.
Take-no-prisoners comic Joan Rivers turned lemons into lemonade at the Comedy Garden last week. Rivers said she actually wouldn't mind a Taliban takeover because burkas are a good fashion idea. ("No more plastic surgery. No more waxing. So you have a wart? Who gives a shit!") By the way, I noticed after the show that one of Joan's cue cards misspelled vagina, but she explained to me, "I'm a speed reader!"
However you spell it, The Nualas is a goofy Irish Arts Center concert by a trio that claims to have formed in Dublin, though the act seems less like a comic Corrsthan an Irish Spring commercial created by performance artists on the Lower East Side. All sporting clunky glasses and exaggerated accents, the galseach one named Nuala, by the waysing in crisp harmony about everything from Irish customs gone amok to the poignant plight of life's most existential creatures. ("Look at the severed lips of the trumpet player who accidentally picked up a harp.") They don't shut up either, gently mocking audience members in between serving up revelations about sex ("Nuala's bisexual." "Yes, I've had sex twice") and beauty ("We have stretch limos, stretch jeans, and stretch marks"). The show is impossible to categorize, which is one of many reasons it's so feckin' great.