By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
ARIES(March 21-April 19)
I love and respect your rational mind, but it's rather arrogant in its presumption that it can know all there is to know. Will you consider suspending its tyranny long enough to receive help from the Great Beyond? I'd like you to stretch your fantasy muscles around the following tall-but-true tale, Aries: This week your future self will try to contact you in order to provide panoramic views of the far horizon. Your encounters with the Riper You may be brief and strange, or they may appear in a matter-of-fact guise in the midst of your daily routine. Either way, you will be offered pithy pointers about how to shape your life's mission in the coming years.
TAURUS(April 20-May 20)
While walking in the deep, dark forest of symbols, you encountered a savvy old crone camouflaged as a wolf. But your fear, already swarming because of the unfamiliarity of your surroundings, kicked instantly into high gear, causing you to flee before you could see through the disguise. That, at least, is the metaphorical view of recent events according to your soul. Now that you know the truth, Taurus, go back and find the crone again. She has much to teach you about harvesting the treasure that comes from aging. It's a wisdom that can only come from a mature female with a well-grounded and deeply felt understanding of cycles.
GEMINI(May 21-June 20)
A few years ago, members of the Barbie Liberation Organization sneaked into stores and swapped the voice boxes of hundreds of GI Joe and Barbie dolls. Boys who later purchased the plastic soldiers were surprised to hear them make comments like "I like to go shopping with you," while the girls who came into possession of the mutated Barbies heard terse barks of "To the front lines, men!" Given your current astrological needs, Gemini, I suggest you pull off an analogous switcheroo or two. Your world is too polarized into opposing extremes. What makes your balancing efforts even more urgent is that each extreme has become a lopsided caricature of itself. The cure is to make the yang a little more yin and vice versa.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
CANCER(June 21-July 22)
You will experience unprecedented expansion in 2002. During the coming weeks, though, you may encounter resistance to your beautiful blooming. For advice on how to handle it, read an excerpt from Richard Wilhelm's translation of the oldest book in the world, the Chinese I Ching: "The struggle with evil must not be carried on directly by force. If we do it the favor of fighting against it blow by blow, we lose in the end because thus we ourselves get entangled in hatred. For the same reason we should not combat our own faults directly. As long as we wrestle with them, they continue victorious. The best way to fight evil is to make energetic progress in the good."
LEO(July 23-Aug. 22)
What is sexy? Some would have you believe it's best exemplified by a pouty, anorexic supermodel, shaved of all her body hair, frowning coldly at a steroid-sculpted, macho, dumb hunk. Others might say it's your playful voice and unpredictable face as you describe a surprising insight to a mysterious character who is thrilled by the challenges of intimacy. Whatever your personal definition might be, Leo, it's time to deepen and tone it. The cosmos is conspiring to animate your erotic sense with a surge of uncanny intelligence.
VIRGO(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Given the heart-tugging, roots-deepening, foundation-vibrating influences that are coming to bear on you now, you might be inclined to mope around the house and bask in self-pity for What Might Have Been. Or perhaps you'll go out and buy Andy Griffith's Comedy Classics CD, on which the former sheriff of Mayberry reveals his charm as a storyteller in "Flop-Eared Mule" and "The Fishin' Hole." But if you 'd consider making a more stimulating use of all the earthy energy, let me suggest these three actions instead: Take aggressive measures to build up your physical health, stop talking about and start manifesting a postponed dream, and get as bawdy and funky as you dare.
LIBRA(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Most scientists despise astrology, even though it once had great credibility and was instrumental in the development of mathematics, medicine, chemistry, and biology. Science writer Isaac Asimov says, "Mathematics supplied the tools for understanding the movements of heavenly bodies upon which astrological forecasts were based. Observations and experiments in medicine and the life sciences were spurred by astrological predictions concerning life, death, and health." Let's look for an analogous pattern in your own evolution, Libra. Were there events in your past that seem immature or embarrassing to you now but which had a seminal impact in making you who you are? This is the perfect astrological moment to revise your views of your personal history.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Going back to sleep might be tempting. Weeks have passed since your initiation into the brave new world. You may wonder whether you have the patience and discipline to keep dealing with the explosion of novelty. You could be in danger of becoming numb to the revelations that not so long ago changed everything forever. But I'm here to urge you to do whatever's necessary to stay awake. Pinch yourself, spank yourself, whisper spontaneous poems to the mirror, scrawl sacred vows on your bedroom walls. Just don't lose the primal motivating power of those supernova moments when you were reborn.