By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Let's cut to the chase, sweetheart. It's a whole new ball game. All bets are off. Know what I'm saying? You're back at square one. It's time to get a new bottom line. Get it? You must put your cards on the table if you expect to put the pedal to the metal. You've got to make no bones if you want to pull no punches. In other words, babe, your ship won't come if you use any of the tired clichés I've just demonstrated.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
There have been a few problems with the Pentagon's program of air-dropping emergency food into famine-ridden areas of Afghanistan. One of the biggest: In the early weeks, the "humanitarian daily ration" packets were yellow, just like the small cluster bombs that don't always explode upon first hitting the ground. Human rights groups warned that civilians might not be able to tell the two deliveries apart. Let this scenario serve as a symbol for you in the coming weeks, Capricorn. Of course your situation won't be anywhere near as extreme. And yet it'll be crucial for you to exercise great discrimination in distinguishing between two offerings, one of which would ultimately bring health and wealth, the other of which would drain you and pain you.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
"Many great artists remain in relative obscurity because of their resistance to formula efforts," writes journalist Alan Cabal. "Mediocrities latch onto whatever hits and repeat it endlessly in pursuit of cash or celebrity or both." I couldn't agree more. Cabal's thesis explains why there is about as much superbly unique music these days as there are Greenpeace bumper stickers on oil executives' SUVs. Having said that, I'm pleased to announce that there is currently a window of opportunity for Aquarian creators with high integrity to get their work seen by more people than usual. The astrological aspects are conducive, in fact, to the success of any project that avoids pedestrian trendiness and celebrates soulful originality.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20)
Rambunctious singer Tom Waits is not known for his scientific research, but a few years ago he made a valuable contribution in the quest to measure sadness. Holding a spoon to his cheek during an especially blue period of his life, he found that it takes 121 teardrops to fill a teaspoon. Building on his work, I've discovered that crying for joy causes a spoon to overflow after only 98 tears, suggesting that they're bigger. I urge you to do further studies on this subject in the coming week, Pisces. You're likely to be tapping into watery breakthroughs of several varieties, ranging from the relatively poignant to the outrageously sublime.
Homework: Tell about a time you were searching far and wide for the solution to a big problem, but on the way discovered a much more interesting and useful problem. firstname.lastname@example.org.