By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
If you have any interest in genealogy or the mysteries of your past, 2002 will be a good time to heat up your investigations. Lost relatives will be easier to track down. Missing heirlooms, too. Even long-buried family secrets could erupt into viewof both the dirty variety and the sparkling kind. Wouldn't it be fun if you found out you were a descendant of American Revolutionary War spy Nathan Hale or Mata Hari, the Dutch double agent during World War I? A discovery like that might rouse in you more of the sleuth-like qualities that'll be so useful in the coming months. Suggested holiday gift for yourself: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Genealogy, by Rhonda McClure.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Dinosaurs were sometimes so titanic that they found it difficult to do what was necessary to propagate their species. To appreciate the difficulty, picture a 12,000-pound male triceratops attempting to rise up on his hind legs and balance the top half of his body on a female's back long enough to finish the mating act. Sadly, some humans are so fixed in their romantic habits that their awkwardness with intimacy is almost as severe. Even if you are one of these people, though (and I'm not necessarily saying that you are), 2002 will bring rich opportunities to streamline your approach to love. If I could get you a holiday present, it might be a gift certificate for 10 sessions with a psychotherapist who specializes in relationships, plus a pair of plastic toy triceratops with which to enact playful psychodramas.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
In my meditations about what holiday gifts you'd benefit from, I keep seeing how crucial it'll be for you to resist and deflect wrong-headed opinions about who you are and how you should live your life. (And I mean your own wrong-headed opinions as well as other people's.) Here, then, is my symbolic present for you: a print of Vincent van Gogh's painting "The Sower," which depicts a farmer dropping seeds in his fields at sunrise. At the bottom of the print I'd write this quote from van Gogh: "If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You are not a painter,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
If I could afford to send every one of you holiday gifts, here's what I'd get and why: a kite bearing an image of a goofy dragon, which I hope would encourage you to indulge in more ferocious frivolity in 2002; a photo of a greenhouse to symbolize the expedited growth you'll be capable of; an Aladdin's lamp to suggest that you'll have unexpected help in conjuring up seemingly impossible breakthroughs; and a little red wagon carrying the treat you were most deprived of in childhood.
Tell us what holiday gift you're bestowing on yourself to inspire your journey through 2002: email@example.com.