NY Mirror

The Bic was lifted again for the Lord of the Rings premiere, where I asked star Elijah Wood why he isn't robbing banks and killing people like all the other ex-child stars. "Because I was very lucky to have a mother who constantly instilled a sense of what's important," he told me. Well, while we were at it, what is important? "Family and friends," said the cutie. "The world does not revolve around films—and if I ever lose that perspective, you can personally kick my ass!" OK, I'll do so, but only for a film.

A future Times Square classic? I hear Ang Lee will star Hugh Grant in something called On the Avenue, and sassy drag queen Vaginal Cream Davis is up for a lead. Davis tells me the film deals with "a black trannie crack 'ho [no, not Divine Brown] who speaks Ebonics and must be turned into a high-class octoroon to attend some charity event." Crouching Tiger, Hidden Drag Queen?

Rather than slum my way to another charity ball, I went back to xl, where I found a cute, kicky crowd with not too much of any one type (which is shocking, by high-tech Chelsea gay bar standards). Even one person at xl can embody two separate genres; the ambient lighting keeps changing, so the hot stud you were cruising turns out, in brighter illumination, to be a total troll with six eyes and four noses! That's OK; when it goes dark again, you can run.

Brotherhood of the Wolf star Monica Bellucci: ‘‘I prefer to control things instead of being controlled.’’
photo: Christopher Smith
Brotherhood of the Wolf star Monica Bellucci: ‘‘I prefer to control things instead of being controlled.’’

And that I did—stay with me now—all the way to the Children's Hope Foundation toy drive at the David Barton Gym, where, amid all the donated playthings, there was a trannie Santa, a drag Christmas tree, and a barmaid pouring booze out of her brassiere cups. It was all très clean in a mildly insouciant way, so I raced back to the wilder toys of Times Square. It's dirty down there!

Finally, the filthiest recent behavior? Not long ago, I called the editor of Manhattan File to check out a rumor that the magazine was going el foldo. She freaked and insisted, "Oh, no—maybe it's Manhattan Style, but not us!" Well, the other day, it—Manhattan File—went el foldo. Am I surprised at the bald-faced evasion? No, these are the same people who always told writers, "You'll have no problem getting paid right away." And my agent, manager, and publicist all believed it!


musto@villagevoice.com

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