By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
I've coined three words that suggest qualities you'll be able to draw on in abundance in the coming weeks. (1) lapidrowdy, adj.: performing intricate tasks with a boisterous spirit; from lapidary, the art of cutting, polishing, and engraving gems + rowdy. (2) smidgic, n.: wizardly transmutation of a mundane or boring situation; from smidgen, a small portion + magic. (3) vervonto, v.: to rapidly recover mastery of a skill that had become rusty; from verve + pronto.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
The Doctrine of Original Sin? I spit on it. I reject it. I renounce it and annihilate it from reality. In its place I offer the Doctrine of Original Fun. This profound reformulation of the truth asserts that we are all born with a mandate to have as much liberating joy and bliss as possible. There's not enough space to provide the mountains of evidence for this teaching, but here's one clue: Our Divine Creator has given us bodies capable of feeling tidal waves of physical pleasure. This week, Capricorn, your assignment is to gather three more proofs of the Doctrine of Original Fun.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
I won't lie to you about your mission in the first half of 2002, Aquarius. Ignorance and inertia will surround you. Cynicism will be regarded as a supreme sign of intelligence and sentimentality as the quintessence of deep feeling. Beautiful truths will be suspect and ugly truths will be readily believed. You'll have to be a cheerful rebel, maintaining your equanimity as you resist the temptation to swallow delusions that have been carefully crafted by Very Self-Important People who act as if they know what they're doing. You'll have to buck every system and go against every graineven as you work hard to be in a jolly good mood. Here's my prediction: You will succeed about 65 to 75 percent of the time.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20):
Alice finds her way to Wonderland by falling down a rabbit hole. Dorothy rides to Oz on a tornado. In C.S. Lewis's The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lucy stumbles into Narnia via a portal in the back of a large clothes cabinet. In the sequels to all these adventures, however, the heroes must find different ways to access their exotic dreamlands. Alice slips through a mirror next time. Dorothy uses a Magic Belt. Lucy leaps into a painting of a schooner that becomes real. Take heed of these precedents, Pisces. A threshold will soon open into a fascinating alternative reality you've enjoyed in the past, but it will not resemble the doorways you've used before.
Compose a sincere prayer in which you ask God or Goddess for something you're not supposed to. Tell us about it at firstname.lastname@example.org.