NY Mirror

As for sleazy behavior that I approveof, my fave feature on Metal-sludge.com is the one that uses groupie dish to evaluate the penis sizes and sexual tastes of various heavy metal stars. Not surprisingly, a lot of the rockers are well hung, but don't always know what to do with it, their sexual scope probably impacted by a bit of trauma. Among the entries: "A good kisser, but can't last long once he bones you"; "If you don't swallow, he'll wanna cum on your tits. You wanna try a dildo out on him? He'll say yes!"; and finally, "You'll have more luck waking up Chris Farley than this guy once he's in the unloaded state." Still, he's rich and famous and looks good in a double harness, so I'll take it! (If you gild it, it will come.)

In the world of pop-star sex habits, I hear that the company that puts out the esteemed Blacktail and Celebrity Sleuth magazines has nabbed some birthday-suit shots of Blu Cantrellfrom when she was named Tiffany, and they're truly blu entertainment. Spies also say that kooky Janet Jacksonis dating Q-Tip, who's supposedly so named because of his illustrious privates. Lucky her—but even if she's the future Mrs. Tip, she'll still be Miss Jackson, if you're nasty.

You want well-hung Broadway divas? Well, Beatrice Arthur's one-person show will be competing with Elaine Stritch's, but their rivalry started way before that. As Stritch reveals in her performance, she was once up for a sitcom, but acted up at the audition, paving the way for someone else to get the role—Dorothy on Golden Girls! Meanwhile, golden-voiced Barbara Cookis pitch perfect in her Mostly Sondheimshow, her lilting soprano piercing to the core of the material for a heart-stopping evening of love and wit. What an enchanting night—even Scott Rudinwould like it!

Boys will do boys: Queer as Folk’s Hal Sparks, Gale Harold, and Randy Harrison.
photo: Brian Finke
Boys will do boys: Queer as Folk’s Hal Sparks, Gale Harold, and Randy Harrison.

My other fave diva these days is that Dell commercial guy, whom millions—I'm just guessing—would like to try a dildo on. Well, The Wall Street Journal reports he's 21-year-old NYU student Benjamin Curtis, and he's already afraid of being typecast as a slacker! But the slackest thing on earth is the way they're still running those ancient Sunday Times home delivery ads, the ones with that annoying woman saying, "I think the only thing I enjoy more than doing the crossword puzzle is actually finishing it." The bitch is never gonna finish it. Yank her off!

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