By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
"The eagle may soar high above the earth, but the beaver never gets sucked into a jet engine." Keep that epigram in mind as you diligently do your busy work in the coming days, Sagittarius. You may sometimes wish you could fly away from it all, but now is not an astrologically favorable time to do so. If you insist on indulging such counterproductive fantasies, your tasks will feel uninspiring, demeaning, and thankless. If on the other hand you accept the beaver as your temporary power animal, you'll be at peace with the understanding that you're laying the intricate groundwork for a great springboard. (PS: Keep up the good work and the springboard will be ready by April.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
The tarot card I divined for you this week is the Eight of Cups. Working from my teacher Paul Foster Case's insight into the card, I suggest you focus your attention on two tasks. First, identify your most important desires and visualize how to express them in their most beautiful forms. For instance, your sexual longing is likely to bloom in its full glory when it's directed towards a person who deeply understands you and treats you with respect. Second, the Eight of Cups exhorts you to brainstorm about the wisest ways to satisfy each of your most important desires. It's time, in other words, to shed all haphazard, halfhearted, and insecure strategies for getting what you want.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
"We get so much in the habit of wearing disguises before others that we finally appear disguised before ourselves." So wrote French epigrammatist François de La Rochefoucauld. What he didn't say is that now and then there come times when it's actually pretty fun and easy to strip away our maskseven if they've gotten stuck to our faces. I'm happy to announce that this is one of those liberating moments. Start stripping, baby. You won't believe how good it'll feel and how potent it'll make you.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
In medieval Europe, self-flagellation came into vogue as a religious practice. Practitioners believed that by scourging themselves for their sins, they cut down on the punishment they'd have to endure in the next world. It's a little known fact, but my sources indicate the innovators of this "shortcut to salvation" were Piscean monks in southern France. Then as now, your tribe was most likely, of all the signs of the zodiac, to hype the gain that comes from pain. I admire your capacity to capitalize on misfortune, but you'd be mistaken if you assumed that was the appropriate approach to take these days. What would be the opposite of self-flagellation? It's high time to find out.
What do you love most about yourself? I dare you to write yourself a three-page love letter in time for Valentine's Day. Send a copy to us if you like: Write: email@example.com.