NY Mirror

Benjamin Bratt and his girlfriend, Talisa Soto, are easier to figure, the couple providing the four most gorgeous cheekbones since Viggo Mortensen last looked in a mirror. Last week, Paper threw Bratt a bash at Thom, where the actor disarmed me by smiling and saying, "Are you gonna start any trouble?" Suddenly I was subservient, well behaved, and totally enslaved to those cheekbones.

I'd been all set to ask about Julia you-know, but now I was inquiring, with the height of civility, about whether Bratt likes making the PR rounds. "Under ordinary circumstances, it makes me fucking squirm," he admitted. "I can't stand it, maybe because I get bored talking about myself." (I get bored, too—when other people talk about themselves.) But Bratt gleefully hawks Piñero; after he chatted up a table of As Four designers, one of them told me, "He was convincing us to see the movie!" In fact, Bratt was so winningly gung ho all night that a repentant photographer was heard saying, "If you only knew how many times I asked him to move away so I could get a shot of Julia alone!"

A lot of people want celebs alone, it turns out. At the bash, Moby told me he had a "quasi stalker" recently. "She said she was gonna be my stalker," he revealed, "but she didn't live up to that, only making a half-assed attempt." Fame—ain't it a bitch.

Almost home: Ducky DooLittle (Miss Rivington), winner of the Miss L.E.S. Pageant
photo: Brian Finke
Almost home: Ducky DooLittle (Miss Rivington), winner of the Miss L.E.S. Pageant

That brings us to quasi activist Jewel, who might not be much of a talker. While fighting for better filtration systems, the yodeling diva recently said, kookily enough, "Clean water is one of the leading causes of death in the world." Oops. How about dirty milk?

In theater, cleaned-up scripts are the cause of creative death. Boy George 's new autobiographical stage musical in London includes his gay self, but actually centers on a fictional straight couple! It's a total sellout—and ironically, critics said the show would be way more of a hit without the het stuff. And now? I go home.

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