By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
To paraphrase French poet Charles Baudelaire: Genius is nothing more or less than childhood recovereda childhood now equipped for self-expression with an adult's capacities. I thought I'd dangle this tempting notion in front of you now that you're so close to the fountain of youth. Maybe it'll encourage you to slurp, not just sip, from those healing waters. Between gulps, you might want to wail the chorus of Bob Dylan's song "My Back Pages": "I was so much older then/I'm younger than that now."
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
In Ruth Manning-Sanders's fairy tale "The Small-Toothed Dog," a homely male dog saves a wealthy man from thieves. In gratitude, the man asks the dog what reward he'd like. "Will you accept a fish that speaks 12 languages?" he says. "Or a goose that lays golden eggs? Or a mirror in which you can see what anyone is thinking?" The dog refuses them all and leaves, promising to return soon to deliver his ultimate request. In the end, the man's daughter gives the dog what he wants most: her hand in marriage. In so doing, she frees him from a curse, and he changes into a handsome prince. I urge you to make this your guiding myth for a few weeks, Capricorn. Don't grab the first bait that's offered. Hold out for what you really want.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
I don't take drugs, but I've always known people who do. I've noticed a curious evolution among the experimenters in recent years: It has become unusual for them to take just one substance at a time. Some of the many blends I've seen include Prozac and pot, "smart" drinks and vodka, No-Doz and Valium. This is amazing to me. One mind-altering blast isn't enough? I suppose it's just another symptom of the larger cultural trend toward multi-tasking, like people who eat breakfast and gab on cell phones while driving, or who ricochet among three different sexual partners. All this is meant to serve as context for your oracle this week, Aquarius, which is: Concentrate on one reality at a time. Avoid mixing and matching.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
The astrological powers-that-be have declared this Figure Out Your Game Plan Week. You have a cosmic mandate to slip away from the vision-narrowing routine and climb to the mountaintopor at least to a mountaintop perspective. There I predict you will receive the exhilarating benefits of viewing the big picture from on high. You will prune away all but one goal, pledge to devote yourself to it utterly, and formulate a step-by-step strategy to achieve total victory by next December.
How do you promise to cave in to the demands of spring fever? Write: email@example.com.