By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
I wanted to explore a nearby town on my bicycle. Consulting a map, I determined that a road named Freesia Street was a good shortcut. It would allow me to traverse several miles without having to risk riding on a busy highway. But as I pedaled along my planned route 20 minutes later, I found a detail the map hadn't revealed. For a three-block stretch, Freesia was nothing more than a footpath that included a steep, nearly impassable stairway in disrepair. Rather than trying to carry my bike down it, I retraced my route and took the long way around. Moral of the story, as far as you're concerned: Your current map is an inadequate representation of the territory. Don't put all your faith in it.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Some professional athletes add a religious angle to their celebrations. After hitting a home run or scoring a touchdown, they tilt their heads up and raise their arms high, pointing skyward with both index fingers. "Thanks for the help, God," they seem to be saying. Personally, I doubt the Divine Intelligence is interested in influencing the outcome of sports events. However, I do like to fantasize that She derives pleasure from conspiring to precipitate more subtle victories like, say, the eruption of a new capacity for love and joy in a human heart. Fully expecting this to happen for you this week, Capricorn, I authorize you to perform the same triumphant gesture.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
What kind of people have sweet, ripe, juicy blackberries in their backyard and never eat any, letting them rot on the bush? Don't be like them, Aquarius. What kind of fool buys a lottery ticket that turns out to have the winning numbers, but stashes it in a drawer and forgets about it? Don't be like that fool. What type of wise guy acts like he's seen and done it all, thereby missing a nourishing revelation that's blooming right in front of him? Don't be like that wise guy.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20):
By order of cosmic law, thinking the same old thoughts and doing the same old things are hereby forbidden. You cannot afford to be bored any time soon. Monotony is such a great enemy that you may as well refer to it as the devil. To preserve your sanity, I'm taking the liberty of decreeing the coming days to be your personal holidays. April 26: Clean Up Your Room With Reverent Exuberance Day. April 27: Ask Crazy-Like-a-Fox "Stupid" Questions Day. April 28: Defy All Weak-Heart Conceptions Day. April 29: Give All or Nothing Day. April 30: Take All or Nothing Day. May 1: Festival of Sauntering Past the Edge of the Known World.
What do you need to be rescued from? Whom would you prefer to perform the rescue? Write: email@example.com.