By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
What do you say we get drunk, stay up all night, and talk about our relationship, Sagittarius? Unless, of course, you're an alcoholic, in which case let's not get drunk. But in either case, let's definitely err on the side of playful poetry, not smarmy sincerity. Let's promise never to use the expressions "I'm feeling vulnerable" or "I hear what you're saying." Instead, let's communicate our true colors by finger-painting on the walls and singing our favorite songs at the top of our lungs. We can tell each other's fortunes, stage a burping or laughing contest, and make funny faces until we're so punchy and our defenses are so low that we spill all the priceless secrets that are aching to erupt. Any other ideas? Write and tell me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
What's the greatest lie in my life? Maybe the way I try to hide how sensitive I am to people's criticisms. Or maybe my tendency to pretend it doesn't bother me that my music has never gotten the attention I wish it had. And how about yourself, Capricorn? What's the most glaring dishonesty in your life? Whatever it is, I predict it'll soon crawl into your lap and demand that you change your relationship with it. Whatever you do, don't spit on it, ridicule it, or ignore it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
I hope you're in the habit of remembering your dreams each morning. You had a really important one recently. In it, you were exploring the pleasures of chocolate-flavored toothpaste and a brand-new aerobic workout that involved a tandem "sexercise bicycle." Here's my interpretation of the dream's meaning: In your waking life, you're on the verge of finding ways to make self-discipline feel really good. One more thing, Aquarius. Do you recall that other dream you had, in which I gave a guinea pig a makeover before escorting it to its big audition? The guinea pig was a symbol for you.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20):
I dare you to write a letter to the person you'll be one year from today. Tell this Future You that you've taken a sublime and exuberant vow to accomplish three amazing feats by then. Say why these feats are more important to you than anything else in your life. Describe them. Brainstorm about everything you'll do to make them happen. Draw pictures or compose collages that capture your excitement about them. Promise that you're ready, for their sake, to sign your passion on the bottom line. When you've finished this letter, mail it, along with a self-addressed stamped envelope to me at P.O. Box 150628, San Rafael, CA 94915. I'll mail it back to you in June of 2003.
Homework: Describe the tree house you would like to build for yourself one day, and what pleasures you would like to pursue there. Write: firstname.lastname@example.org