By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
It's time for your unbirthday, Sagittarius, that nervous holiday halfway between your birthdays when you suddenly acquire the supernatural power to read your own mind. To celebrate, I suggest three actions: Try to see the world through the eyes of people who are most unlike you, aggressively mess with mysteries that have always threatened to make you feel like a failure, and pull off a ballsy new rebellion against yourself every day. During your unbirthday season, you should ask millions of questions, especially this one: How can you know what you are unless you experiment with being what you're not?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
"Dear Dr. Good Vibes: I'm sorry to report that your bright and cheery predictions for my future did not come true. The gods have laid the cosmic smackdown upon me. My metaphorical buttocks are still smarting. I don't blame you, mind you. It is entirely my fault. My wishes were different from what the gods wished for me; I was utterly out of sync with the Grand Scheme of Things. My question now is: Being that I am in the habit of desiring pleasures that are good for my ego but bad for my soul, how do I break the habit? Contrite Cappy"
Dear Contrite: Not blaming others, but rather taking responsibility for your actions, is the best way. And you've just done that.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Congratulations! You have an astrological mandate to commune with states of ecstasy this week. And I do mean the real thing: not just mildly diverting happiness or goofy pleasure, but delirious, over-the-top rapture. To assist the cosmos in bringing you the fullness of your juicy fate, take a few moments now to brainstorm about what adventures are most likely to deliver you to the delight you so richly need and deserve. These should not be impossible-to-attain fantasies like hang-gliding over the Serengeti tomorrow or making love with Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston. Stick to experiences that are distinctly possible, even if they are at the frontiers of your ability to create.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
Your key symbols for the coming days: a night-sea crossing, Jonah in the belly of the whale, a treasure chest dislodged from its hiding place in the earth by a flood. Most reliable source of information: your dreams. Totemic animal: octopus. Special number: 44. Secret password: superconductor. Methods for building soul power: taking ritual baths, being naked for hours, singing songs you consider sacred. Inspirational role model: Dante Alighieri on his way out of the Inferno. Pop culture book likely to be most helpful: Joseph Campbell's The Hero With a Thousand Faces.
Please comment: No man is an island, but many men are atolls. Write: email@example.com