By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
If I hung out with you this week, Sagittarius, I'd probably feel fascination and agitation mixed with sweetness and confusion. Being in your presence might resemble lounging in a hot tub while hassling on the phone with a friend whose feelings I'd hurt. Being with you might be like dancing to inspiring music all night around a beach bonfire with my tribe, knowing that earlier that day my landlord had given me notice and I had to start looking for a new place to live. Being with you in the coming days might have a certain similarity to eating pizza-flavored ice cream, or watching Fear Factor on TV with the sound off while listening to a New Age meditation CD. No, my dear, you definitely won't be boring.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
I'm here today to read you your rights: (1) You have the right to prove you're not chicken without actually playing chicken. (2) You have the right to put fewer hours into building other people's fantasies and more hours into building your own. (3) You have the right to stop trying to meet the right people in the wrong places. (4) You have the right to remain silent, but I wouldn't advise it. (5) You have the right to ignore the flavor of the week and the fad of the month so you'll be fully available when the tough-love opportunity of the year comes along.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
The brilliant San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll recently corrected some misinformation he'd provided in an earlier piece. "My dreamy view of the dissent during the Civil War was perhaps just a tiny bit completely wrong," he noted, then went on to admit that President Lincoln ruthlessly quashed dissidents. "My apologies to the truth," Carroll concluded. I love that line. It suggests the truth is a living entity with which one can have a relationship. Which brings me to my point, Aquarius. I urge you to have a long conversation with the truth, summing up the recent developments between you. You could start with something like "I never knew how gorgeous and sexy you are."
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20):
I've noticed an uncanny uniformity of theme arising in the Piscean experience lately. Members of the Fish tribe have been e-mailing me in unusually large numbers, seeking my help in addressing what they have variously called "an ambition deficiency," "a missing rung on the ladder of success," and "a lagging fire in the belly." Here's my counsel: Tune in intensely to your feeling of alarm about the deficit. It's the best possible way to activate your sleeping reserves of ingenuity and passion. In other words, the best cure for your lack of motivation is to get upset about it.
Compare the person you are now with the person you were two years ago today. Make a list of the five most important differences between the two. Testify at email@example.com