NY Mirror

I'm starting to feel like Bette Midler in The Rose ("Where's everybody going?"). Another case in point: Liz Smith was asked to join me and others on a Mediabistro.com panel called "Secrets and Lies: Gossip Columnists Tell All!," but she replied to editor Albert Lee, "Thanks, but I don't want to be on a panel with Michael, as much as I like him. Panels with him are not about journalism, only about gay issues. I'm sure it will be great without me, but he wants a forum—I don't." Oh, these wacky bisexuals!

Moving on with my forum, my spies just spotted Matt Lauer dining at Gabriel's with Bryant Gumbel. Funny, not that long ago they would probably have had each other for dinner. . . . For dessert, Elaine May's written a play called Adult Entertainment in which someone named Heidi the 'Ho calls her TV viewers " 'Ho watchers." I hear Robin Byrd auditioned for the role, and also hoping to play Heidi-go-seek are divas from Teri Hatcher to Sandra Bernhard. Anyone need a Rhinestone Trucker?

In other legit news, the Flower Drum Song revival can deal with the potential stereotyping problem by taking a cue from Thoroughly Modern Millie and having the characters announce at the end, "By the way, we're not really Asian at all. We're crazy, evil people pretending to be Asian!" (That should please all the racially sensitive Michael Jackson types out there.)

I pretended not to freak—stay with me now—when the power went out on Fire Island last week, forcing all the Florence of Arabia types to huddle around candles, forage for food that didn't have to be refrigerated or cooked, and flashlight their way to the Pavilion, praying the place had a generator so the summer-long dance party could keep its mojo going. It did.

While I light up this island with my throbbing glowstick, let me remark that my gaydar is pinging for that Bloomberg guy. But hey, I've been fully assured that he's straight, just like past mayors. Well, some past mayors.

EXTRA ITEM: Guess what's going to be the next strike in the current battle involving Jacko. I hear it'll be the public opening up of court files related to his pedophilia suit! And I hear Jacko will hit back with some blockbuster allegations of his own!


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