By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
To ease yourself into alignment with the astrological rhythms, give each of your two closest companions a gift. What kind of gift? It should fire up their ambitions, not appeal to their urges to be comfortable. It shouldn't be a practical necessity or ho-hum consumer fetish, but rather an adult toy or provocative tool. It should be an imaginative boon they've been hesitant to ask for, an extravagantly beautiful thing that expands their self-image, a surprising intervention that says, "I love the way you change me."
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
Close your eyes and visualize yourself taking a walk in nature. Feel the resilient strength of your leg muscles and the touch of the air on your face. Take deep breaths as you quietly exult in the motion of your arms swinging rhythmically. Gaze slightly upward, taking in the far horizon and the sweep of the sky. Now imagine that at a certain point the wind becomes noticeably stronger. Branches of nearby trees begin to wave, unleashing a rising whoosh. Instinctively, your heartbeat quickens. Your flesh prickles with a reflexive alertness. But of course there's no danger. What you're experiencing is a primal excitement at the growing energy around you, a heightened awareness of the sheer aliveness of the world. Everything I just described, Taurus, is a perfect metaphor for the turning point that will arrive this week.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
Many Geminis are almost too multitalented for their own good. One of my friends is a fine actress, singer, dancer, and poet. Another has expertise in forestry, medieval music, grant-writing, city planning, and graphic arts. They find it difficult to concentrate on just one field of endeavor because they can't bring themselves to ignore the rest. As a result they never get really polished at any one thing, and have trouble earning a wage commensurate with their talent. If this describes your own fate even a little, Gemini, it's now a favorable time to make a change. In the coming months it will be far less painful than usualpossibly even unexpectedly pleasurableto commit yourself to a single path.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
CANCER(June 21-July 22):
Production should have already begun for the new crop of dramas due to be unveiled in September. To my chagrin, though, you haven't even decided on the scripts yet! Better make your choices soon, Cancerian. Personally, I hope you pass up the story about the bright light who prostitutes her talent because she's afraid of failing in her quest for her real dream. Ditto the show about the moody innocent who turns down a whirlwind journey and retreats full-time to his safe little cave. The best script, in my opinion, is the reality show in which the hero carries on a brave struggle to balance her security needs with her longings for adventure.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
I foresee a future when women will fill half of all leadership roles instead of 10 percent, when their earnings and time spent doing child care will equal men's, when women's orgasms are as frequent as men's, and when a majority of guys understand that misogyny is hazardous to their own health. Until the coming of that glorious day, I urge all of you Leos, regardless of gender, to work with tender ingenuity as you stir up and flesh out female power. To do so will be especially rewarding in the coming weeks. Your intelligence, sex appeal, and happiness will flourish in direct proportion.
VIRGO(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Looks like the Season of a Million Emotions hasn't wiped you out completely. Though it might be hard to tell because of the puddles of tears by your bed and the piles of ashes from your burnt offerings, you've managed to maintain a modicum of poise. I mean, you're not spitting into the wind and throwing stones at heaven while trying to dance naked on the roof with a hangover, right? That in itself is a sign you've escaped a trap you've always been a sucker for in the past. I bet that if you can just hold on to your sanity for another eight days or so, you'll finally graduate from the University of Senseless Pain, where you've been matriculating for way too long.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
You're climaxing a phase of development that's been unfolding for many moons. Soon you'll be tying up loose ends and resolving unfinished business, and by October you'll launch a whole new cycle. Now, while you're basking here in the glow of your full bloom, you'd be wise to wrap things up with a flourish. What beauty do you want to leave behind as you depart from this era? What blessings will you bequeath to express your gratitude for all the formative experiences you've had?
SCORPIO(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
I predict you will soon win at least one of the following: a MacArthur "genius award," a Congressional Medal of Honor, a blue ribbon from a local fair, a Nobel Prize, a report card with all A's, an honorary degree from a major university, a plaque commemorating your service beyond the call of duty, or employee of the month. If for some reason my prediction doesn't come true, you have cosmic permission to forge homemade versions of any of the above. You may also go down to the trophy store and buy yourself the biggest, shiniest one. Make sure you get it engraved with a title like "Supreme Champion Love God/Goddess" or "Tricky Master of Lush Wisdom" or "Deepest Feeler of the Year."