By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Sagittarius comedian Margaret Cho is my hero. Her film Notorious C.H.O. is the bravest work of art I've seen in years. She bares her soul ruthlessly, unveiling raw admissions about herself that would permanently embarrass most people. Yet there's also an unselfconscious grace in her spectacle; she avoids drawing us into the fantasy that we're participating in naughty voyeurism. She's authentic, not "bad." She's telling the truth, not manipulating us into worshiping her outrageous ego. Best of all, Notorious C.H.O. is orgasmically funny. I belly-laughed so vehemently that the muscles in my abdomen were fatigued halfway through the movie. I'm describing Cho's accomplishment in detail because you now have the ability to tap into the uniquely Sagittarian power she has harnessed with such mastery.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Gaga advisory! Your imminent future may contain unexpected quests and over-the-top exploits that alarm control freaks and big babies. You could have extravagant encounters with poignantly liberating sexuality and novel emotions that alter your brain chemistry forever. The controversial mysteries you naturally attract will prick some people on the raw edge between their desires and their fears. I suggest you provide clear warnings to anyone who may be offended by moist little miracles and huge flaming magic.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
So I'm taking a break from dancing outside the San Francisco warehouse where a Sweaty Prayer-style rave is unfolding. My mind has been melted and my chakras steam-cleaned by the pounding grooves inside. Up walk three manic creatures I happen to know, Aquarians all, their eyes popping and jaws flapping. My psychic probe determines they're buzzed not on any drug but on the natural high-octane frenzy of their nervous systems. I swear I can see the vapor trails. I ask if they'll help me do astrological research about the state of the Aquarian psyche. The next half-hour passes in a dazzle as these virtuoso talkers regale me with convulsive stories of reconciliation. One has just reunited with her lost love, another with a lost part of his own mind, and the third with a lost cause that's now no longer lost. What's your reconciliation, O Seeker of Unity?
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20):
My first suggestion is that you gently remove your head from the sand. Next, get your hand unstuck from the cookie jar. Then figure out why your shoes are tied together, and do something about it. Finally, Pisces, I'd like you to reach around to your back and rip off the sign that reads "KICK ME," which has been taped there for a while. Before you know it your strength and courage will return, and you'll be primed to fix the less obvious glitches in your fate. For instance, you could dismantle the trap you set for yourself last February, then move on to dissolving a pocket of unjustified self-hatred.
Homework: If you could make money from doing exactly and totally what you loved to do, what would it be? Testify at www.freewillastrology.com