By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Among all the ordeals you've had to endure in the past, Sagittarius, a few have been more valuable than others. That time you were used as collateral in a high-stakes gamble by a fantasy-prone trickster, for instance: It dramatically boosted your emotional IQ. You got similar benefits from that bogus savior who, as it turned out, never saw you for who you really were. Now it's finally time to enjoy the educational riches you harvested through those previous torments. They guarantee that your next ordeal will be like being forced to eat one too many bowls of ice cream.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
The German religious reformer Martin Luther (1483-1546) was fond of referring to the faculty of reason as a "damned whore." He believed it got in the way of faith and prevented us humans from knowing God directly. Though I regard my ability to think clearly as one of my most prized assets, I do confess to having some of Luther's mistrust about it. Like all of us, I have corrupted my logical mind by using it to disguise and rationalize my emotional biases. Can you imagine being able to suspend every last one of your preconceptions so that you might evaluate each situation with scrupulously objective eyes? It's an almost impossible task, but you can make great strides toward this goal in the coming weeks.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Can you pat yourself on the back and kiss yourself on the lips and whisper sweet nothings in your own eareven as you kick yourself in the butt? I hope so, Aquarius. You need large doses of praise and encouragement along with moderate amounts of gentle criticism, and you're the only one I trust to pull it all off with just the right touch. Here's a suggestion: Use just one foot, not both, to apply the motivating force to your posterior, and don't even think about doing it until after you've showered yourself with gifts.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
More than ever, Pisces, you need to honor your dark fluidity and melancholy sweetness. You have a duty to pay reverence to your most poignant longings. You owe it not only to yourself but to the whole world to nurture the part of you that resembles the aurora borealis. To aid and abet this work, I suggest you memorize the following poem by your Russian soul sister Marina Tsvetaeva: "What shall I do, by nature and trade/a singing creature/as I go over the bridge of my enchanted visions, that cannot be weighed in a/world that deals only in weights and measures?"
Homework: Tell what you miss most about the person you used to be, and what you're going to do to resurrect it. www.freewillastrology.com